Quotes from Gary L. Thomas

Our wives don't have to "deserve" it. A Christian husband doesn't love his wife only when she is lovable. He loves her whenever Christ deserves to be reverenced, which, of course, is always.

I cannot promise you that if you respond with a blessing when you're hurt or wounded, your husband will change. I cannot promise you a life of happiness and personal fulfill-ment, but I can promise you that you are living according to your purpose and calling as a Christian; you are obeying the will of God and there is peace in obedience.

I've learned that we must first create a space of time, quiet, and isolation before we can truly see God. Three elements are necessary for this. We need to first believe, then learn to perceive, and finally receive.

Wisdom says we should try to make a relationship work not because we have strong feelings but because it's a good match.

Chapter 8 explores Jesus' famous passage where he warns us not to throw pearls to pigs. Chapter 9 looks at the difference between labeling and name-calling; if it seems harsh to you to call someone "toxic," you'll find this chapter particularly helpful.

chapter 12 follows up by teaching the sad but essential reality that in order to maintain our mission before God, we must learn how to be hated without letting it distract or destroy us.

No husband comes in a perfect package. No husband can do it all. Your job as a wife is to fight to stay sensitive to your husband's strengths. Resist the temptation to compare his weaknesses to another husband's strengths, while forgetting your husband's strengths and that other husband's weaknesses.

A mask partially conceals, but it also tells us that something is behind the mask.

The Bible clearly says we shouldn't feel forced to marry or feel prohibited from marrying; this is one of those life decisions God leaves up to us.

It's time to make the most of the one life God gives us, and that means we have to learn how to play a little defense. Resolve today that the toxic people won't take you down or even distract you. Your mission matters too much for that.

What if I ran all my actions through this grid: "If my son-in-law treated my daughter the way I'm treating my wife, how would I feel?" Men, that's the way what you're doing looks like to God. Women, just switch the genders. Imagine hearing your (perhaps future) daughter-in-law talking to her friends about your son with the same tone and words you use to describe your husband: How does that feel?

Families start to break down—and marriages often break down, for that matter—when we stop enjoying each other.

Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. We can choose which one we will obsess over—expectations

I no longer call you servants,…I have called you friends."14 Servants is a "doing" word; friends is a "being" word. What do servants do? They cook, clean, et cetera. A friend, however, is something you are, not something you do. A servant is Martha, a friend is Mary.

I think most of us who have been married for any substantial length of time realize that the romantic roller coaster of courtship eventually evens out to the terrain of a Midwest interstate - long, flat stretches with an occasional overpass.

One of the most powerful antidotes to addiction is participating in different activities, lifting the addicts out of themselves and into positive, constructive acts of creation.

Your tests don't have to define you. Your compatibility doesn't have to be a ceiling over which your relationship can never rise. Your past hurts don't have to constitute the first steps in a journey toward divorce court. We worship, serve, and are empowered by a supernatural God who can lift us above our scientific limitations and create something special out of something very ordinary. These tests don't account for the power of a magnificent obsession.

Giving respect to others brings light and life into our lives. It leads us in the end to respect the God who created all of us and shapes us as he sees fit. It is an essential discipline, and marriage provides daily opportunities to grow in this area.

Healthy Christians create. It is the nature of our God to create. He's introduced in Genesis 1 as the Creator of everything. One of the last images given to us in the book of Revelation is God creating the new heaven and the new earth. The Bible is literally framed around the act of God creating.

In the study of Christian spirituality, real contemplation is actually an experience with a beginning and an end that Christians pass through. Contemplation is not generally considered a life-state that one exists in, so I'm adapting the word somewhat when I use it as a label for a spiritual temperament.

The person who understands the evil in his own heart is the only person who is useful, fruitful, and solid in his beliefs and obedience. Others only delude themselves and thus upset families, churches, and all other relationships. In their self-pride and judgment of others, they show great inconsistency."3 I AM TOLD OVER AND OVER IN SCRIPTURE THAT MY DUTY AS A CHRISTIAN IS TO BECOME MORE AND MORE LIKE JESUS CHRIST.

prayer is how we make sense of our lives in the light of eternity.

There is nothing morally superior about wanting to live on a farm, in a city apartment, or in a house in the suburbs.

Humility is about the little things in life, and marriage is 90 percent small stuff. We don't build humility on giant gestures as much as forge it with consistent, thoughtful actions day after day.