Quotes from Gary L. Thomas

Honesty demands directness: God has to discipline us to transform us.

response—"Lord, how can I love him [or her] today like he [or she] has never been loved?" The answer may be very practical: take over a chore, speak a word of encouragement, take care of something that needs fixing. Or it may be romantic, or over-the-top creative, or generous, or very simple.

But ask God to help you. Partner with him to build up and encourage the person with whom you've chosen to spend the rest of your life. Ask. "How can I love my spouse today like he [or she] has never been or ever will be loved?" When we focus on what we can do, it's amazing how little time we have left to become consumed by our disappointments.

The same conclusion could be made about marriage. Every marriage has sorrows. Every marriage has trials. There isn't a shared bedroom in this country where tension doesn't occasionally or perhaps frequently lift its snarling head. Many a pillow has been a solemn receptacle for soul-felt tears, cried late at night or even all throughout the day. We don't get to choose which sorrows or trials we are called to bear, only that we must endure them.

John Wesley once boldly proclaimed that it is not possible for a man to be happy who is not also holy, and the way he explains it makes much sense. Who can be truly "happy" while filled with anger, rage, and malice? Who can be happy while nursing resentment or envy? Who can be honestly happy while caught in the sticky compulsion of an insatiable lust or incessant materialism

but if someone's character has no foundation, there's nothing to build on.

think we need the same attitude with our marriage. All of us experience certain things about our spouses that may be difficult for us to accept.

I ache for the day when people make such wise marital choices that they can pray through where to live to make the most significant impact for Christ instead of praying that they could merely be able to exist in the same house without yelling and fighting.

BECOMING ONE — IN THE DEEPEST, MOST INTIMATE SENSE — TAKES TIME. IT TAKES AT LEAST THE SPAN OF A DECADE FOR THE SENSE OF INTIMACY TO REALLY DISPLAY ITSELF IN THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP.

Christians who demonstrate compassion because they are passionately in love with God will thus speak prophetically to a selfish culture and, sometimes, a selfish church. Selfishness distorts true sacrifice, and sacrifice is at the heart of true care. Mother

What we can control is where we're going. If we've been less than healthy, we can commit ourselves, as a spiritual exercise, to deal with the spiritual issues behind the physical problem.

Would that it were the reverse, with girlfriends seriously discussing with their friends their boyfriends' weakness so that they could make a wise decision, and wives seriously defending their husbands' honor so that they could make a lasting marriage. Unfortunately, ignoring your boyfriends' weakness and gossiping about your husband's failures are two sure paths to divorce.

If we take our faith seriously and make our way through a difficult marriage in pursuit of witnessing God's reconciling love for a sinful world, then a difficult marriage becomes part of our exercise to prepare us for heaven.

If you haven't talked about it to your partner, you have no business talking about it to someone else, unless it's a particularly touchy issue and you're seeking godly wisdom as to how to share it or broach the topic.

Christian marriage is marked by discipline and self-denial . . . Christianity does not therefore depreciate marriage; it sanctifies it."5

We learn to love imperfect people by serving them out of reverence for a perfect God...

If we accept that the love of praise is a sin, that the lust to be known and appreciated by others is not just a fool's errand...but perhaps evidence of a heart focused on the wrong things, our marriages will be transformed.

Each day we must die to our own desires and rise as a servant. Each day we are called to identify with the suffering Christ on the cross and then be empowered by the resurrected Christ. We die to our expectations, our demands, and our fears. We rise to compromise, service, and courage. IN THE SAME WAY JESUS GAVE HIS BODY FOR US, WE ARE TO LAY DOWN OUR ENERGY, OUR BODIES, AND OUR LIVES FOR OTHERS.

Hendricks turned to his wife and said, "A great man. How many great men do you know?" "One fewer than you think," she answered.

His solitary act was a radical statement of the importance of community. If we desire to be remade in God's image, we will be molded in such a way that we move toward others.

What is more likely to lead to true marital satisfaction-getting a fallen spouse to change his or her ways, or changing your own focus so that you draw affirmation from a God who never disappoints, never turns you away?

we want to be like Jesus, we need to begin initiating love toward others — starting with our spouses and moving on to friends, family, and coworkers.

If someone is getting in the way of you becoming the person God created you to be or frustrating the work God has called you to do, for you that person is toxic. It's not selfish for you to want to be who God created you to be, and it's not selfish for you to do what God created you to do

People who marry well aren't lucky in love. They're intentional in their path.