Quotes from Lois Greiman

Luck is merely a product of the happily delusional mind.

Tact is for people with too much damned time on their hands.

A pause. It might have been pregnant. I've never been sure how to tell if a silence has conceived or not.

Not surprisingly, the kitchen was the most interesting, but only because I discovered a package of Oreos in the cupboard.

I froze like a startled bunny. Fumbling the disk into my purse, I cut my eyes toward the hallway. Had I locked the front door? Of course I had. Only a moron would break into someone's house and forget to lock the door. Damn it! I'd forgotten to lock the door.

Some people are street-smart, some people are book-smart, but most people are just dumber than dirt.

What if there's no such thing as PMS, and this is just my personality?

Breaking up is hard to do. But, bustin him in the head ain't that easy, either.

There is not a simple gene pool entirely free of toxic waste.

Tequila--a sure cure for monogamy.

And thanks to Christina McMullen, who has taught me that common sense and intelligence need not have any correlation whatsoever.

I'd love to go out with you, but I'd hate to deprive some village of its idiot.

Booze and boys, ain't nothing in the universe that'll make a girl stupid faster.

Sex is all right, but a hot fudge sundae don't never ask if the baby's really his.

A person without regrets is called a corpse.

Maybe knowledge is power, but it's damned hard to think a burglar to death.

Sometimes it's nice to have a man around the house. But a dog will clean the dishes.

I'd rather be pissed off then pissed on.

It is far better to know the painful truth than to live with a kindly falsehood.

Men have two outstanding features--their brains and their genitalia. Unfortunately, both rarely function simultaneously.

There are 2 kinds of people in the world. Those who enjoy a nice salami and those who have no souls.

Love makes the world go around, but so does a gallon of vodka and a box of Cuban cigars.

A wedding is no way to begin a marriage.

Dating is like nightfall--there's got to be a mourning after.