Quotes About Humor

What was she supposed to do now? Swoon at his feet? Jenny bit back a grin as she wondered what he'd do if she did. If he attempted to catch her, she'd squash him flat.

taking the piss?

Do'nt feel bad for the scuicidal cats, they've gotta kill themselves nine times before they get it right.

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.

Generosity without delicacy, like wit without judgement, generally gives as much pain as pleasure.

Loretta Young, a world-class Catholic who kept a "swear box" on the set into which everyone had to make a deposit for their naughty words. Merman saw it, turned to Loretta, and said, "What the hell is this?" Loretta smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, Ethel, I'm afraid now you have to put twenty-five cents into the swear box." Ethel gave her a look and grinned as she said, "How much will it cost me to tell you to go fuck yourself?

Death will find me long before I tire of contemplating an evening spent in his company during which he enthralled a mixed audience consisting of a fur trader, a Cree Indian matron, and an Anglican missionary, with an hour-long monologue on sexual aberrations in female pygmy shrews. (The trader misconstrued the tenor of the discourse; but the missionary, inured by years of humorless dissertations, soon put him right.)

He was just trying to tease me - I knew that later - but he said he'd have to leave because it wasn't fair to have anyone in the room who was going to make fun of what he had to say. He had a good sense of humor, really.

variation on the words of the famous American president Abraham Lincoln: God must love stupid people because He certainly made a lot of them.

What's the difference between a classical guitar and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

I have to wear two sports bras when I do my cardio. It takes a lot to hold these puppies up!

There's nothing like taking a crap in the woods.

La inteligencia debe saber reír.

Patalear contra la muerte, y ya de paso contra todo lo demás, es el prototipo de sublevación inútil que nunca deja de encontrar angustiada y humorística complicidaden todo optimista bien nacido.

If a cat were to give birth in an oven, would you call what she gave birth to kittens or bread?

Most vegetarians look so much like the food they eat that they can be classified as cannibals.

Most vegetarians I ever see looked enough like their food to be classified as cannibals.

If a man is wise, he gets rich, an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

At the Lamaze class, they had me hold a block of ice for a full minute to stimulate labor pain, saying "Hee-haw, hee-haw," and doing my breathing excercises. They made the husbands try it first. Your father made it through the whole minute. The vision of him shouting "Hee-haw," cross-eyed with pain, was singular. The first really great laugh I've had in weeks.

you cow,' Estelle added. 'I heard that.' 'Give the woman the geriatric audiology medal,' Estelle said. 'I heard that, too', her mother said, from the other side of the door.

I don't think I fully appreciated how relaxing it is having someone I can be really mean to. It's going to be so hard being nice all the time.

When I announced to my family that I wanted to add an American name, they reacted with their usual laughter. Never one to let mockery or good judgment stand in my way, I proceeded to ask for suggestions. My father suggested "Fifi." Had I had a special affinity for French poodles or been considering a career in prostitution, I would've

Asking my father to ask the waitress the definition of "sloppy Joe" or "Tater Tots" was no problem. His translations, however, were highly suspect.

Is that boy from your country?" she asked me. "Why, yes," I wanted to tell her. "In my country, which I own, this is National Lose Your Child at Disneyland Day." "No," I told her. "He's not from my country.