Quotes About Humor

Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. I love loopholes.

I like maxims that don't encourage behavior modification. -Calvin

Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination. -Calvin

Miss Wormwood: Calvin, your test was an absolute disgrace! It's obvious you haven't read any of the material. Our first president was not Chef Boy-Ar-Dee and you ought to be ashamed to have turned in such preposterous answers! Calvin: I just don't test well.

Calvin is hammering nails into coffee table. Mom: CALVIN WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO THE COFFEE TABLE?!? Calvin: Is this some sort of trick question, or what?

Hey Susie Derkins, is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?

You never know when some crazed rodent with cold feet could be running loose in your pants.

The way Calvin's brain is wired you can almost hear the fuses blowing.

I suppose if we couldn't laugh at things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.

It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

Never argue with a six-year-old who shaves.

Dad: Honey, have you seen my glasses? I cant find them. Mom: I haven't seen them. Calvin: (with glasses, to Dad) Calvin, go do something you hate! Being miserable builds character!

Sleepwalking? Nightmare? Homicidal psycho jungle cat!

Hobbes: What are you doing? Calvin: Being cool. Hobbes: You look more like you're being bored. Calvin: The world bores you when you're cool. Hobbes: Look, I brought a sombrero! Now we can both be cool. Calvin: A sombrero?! Are you crazy?! Cool people don't wear sombreros! Hobbes: What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero?

I'll bet my autopsy reveals my mouth is too big.

It's a funny world, Hobbes. True. But it's not a hilarious world.…unless you like sick humour. The world is probably funnier to people who don't live here.

It's psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.

Hee hee hee! You should've seen the look on your face! If mom and dad cared about me at all, they'd buy me some infra-red nighttime vision goggles.

Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor?

Of course, REAL zombies never get the giggles when they look at each other...

I say if a novelty Christmas song is funny one time, then it is funny every time. - Calvin

Oh lovely snowball, packed with care, smack a head that's unaware! Then with freezing ice to spare, melt and soak through underwear! Fly straight and true, hit hard and square! This, oh snowball, is my prayer. I only throw consecrated snowballs.

Calvin: ME TARZAN! KING OF JUNGLE! Suzy: Nice underpants. Does your mom know you're over here like this? Calvin:...I don't think Jane EVER said that to Tarzan.

This tiger is sprawled So still and so flat, A question arises When glancing thereat. Is he asleep? to be Perfectly frank, He looks more as if He was creamed by a tank!