Quotes About Humor

I'm leaking brain lubricant.

The best proof of extraterrestrial intelligence is that they haven't contacted us.

Quick! To the Bat-Fax!

CALVIN, yelling: I don't wanna take a bath. I HATE taking baths. CALVIN, screaming: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa CALVIN, being aggressively carried upstairs by Mom: NO NO NO NO NO no NO no NO NO no no no NO NO NO NO no NO no CALVIN, now in the bathtub, grinning: They can make me do it, but they can't make me do it with dignity.

CALVIN: Our country was founded a very long time ago, roughly around 200 B.C. TEACHER: (Glowering): 200 B.C.? CALVIN: Before Calvin. CALVIN: (Now sitting in the corner, wearing a dunce cap) That's what's IMPORTANT!

Hobbes: UGH! something under the bed is drooling. Calvin: Start tying the sheets. We'll go out the window.

While Calvin is in the classroom TEACHER: Yes, Calvin? CALVIN: Miss Wormwood, I'm a fierce advocate of the separation of church and state. CALVIN: Nevertheless, I feel the need for spiritual guidance and comfort as I face the day's struggles. CALVIN: So I was wondering if I could strip down, smear myself withg paste, and set fire to this little effigy of you in a non-denominational sort of way. CALVIN (After being sent to the Principal's office): Boy, what a touchy subject!

Calvin's Mom walks in on him. On the carpet he's been smashing rocks with a baseball bat. Mom freaks out. MOM: What on earth would make you DO something like that? CALVIN: Poor genetic material? Mom slaps her head with one hand; while her other hand expresses an almost uncontrollable rage. Now he's in his room, evidently in time out. CALVIN: Bad guess.

We are not actually in charge of life, yet we behave as if we are the masters of our own destiny. The realization of this fact is quite a hard one. The ridiculousness of our pomposity and presumption can only result in anger or humor.

though they know in their adult hearts, even as they threaten to banish Timmy to bed for his appalling behavior, that their bosses are Big Fatty Stupids, their wives are Dopey Dopeheads and that they themselves are Mr. Sillypants.

For I, too, am a serious student of cartoons.

There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.

The sun's not yellow, its chicken!

There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.

The sun isn't yellow, it's chicken

When you asked me how I was doing, was that some kind of joke

And pigs will fly," Nada muttered. "They do if you toss them out of a plane," Mac observed. "It's just the landing that ain't pretty.

He laughed out loud. He was trying to remember if his memory had been altered. The epitome of irony and futility.

On CBS, Stephen Colbert joked darkly, "It's just like D-Day. Remember D-Day, two sides, Allies and the Nazis? There was a lot of violence on both sides. Ruined a beautiful beach. And it could have been a golf course.

If a book has anything to say, it burns with a quiet laugh, because any book worth its salt points up and out of itself.

The right to be irresponsible and stupid is something I hold very dear. And luckily it is something I do well.

No one is ever going to die from broccoli flu or spinach flu, and tofu will never become to-flu.

Casi siempre estaba de buen humor; el resto del tiempo, dormía.

That's the strange thing about love. One minute you can have your tongue up someone's arse, and the next you can't even communicate.