Quotes About Humor

It's never occurred to me to worry about my health, or that I'll get old, or that people will stop laughing at me.

Use sarcasm. This is a favourite weapon of mine ever since my PGCE (teacher training) days when, naturally, we were expressly forbidden to use it. The key, as with most things, is the manner of delivery. Practise until you can deliver the remarks with the utmost sincerity

Lemme take your picture! You fucking bok gwai low got a face carved out of rotten potato cured in dogshit, runover with a towtruck driven by Hellen Keller in a puke fit on pills...

The news of any politician's death should be listed under Public Improvements.

This one has Olive Oyl getting it doggy-style from Popeye.

What's the odd one out between an egg, a drum, and a potato?' Ronan shook his head, mystified. 'You can beat an egg. You can beat a drum. But you can't beat a potato. D'you get it, do you?

My mother used to say, "Fun is fun till someone loses an eye.

Stick a lighted candle up your backside to give yourself that inner glow.

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over twice and put it in your pocket.

the greatest humourists are deep down usually angry men, who know that human nature ignores tirades, but is responsive to laughter.

Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humour is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

I'd prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.

I miss you always when I go to the beach the sand is wet with tears that seem mine although I never weep and hold you in my heart with a very real humor you'd be proud of

QUESTION: What did Lee Harvey Oswald say to Michael Jordan? ANSWER: Through the book depository window, over the grassy knoll, off the wrist, nothing but neck. Scarecrow was not a big JFK fan. I noted that he never joked about Ronald Reagan being shot.

Ivar appreciated Berning's reconciliation. The message from Ernst & Ernst was that if Ivar decided he didn't like some numbers, they easily could be changed. As the old joke went, when an accountant interviewing for a job is asked, "What is two plus two?" the best answer is not "Four," but "What do you want it to be?

Monty Python: A documentary series on everyday life in Great Britain.

For all the intrinsic meaning of the word kilometer, we might just as well say that "we're moving toward Leo at three pizzas and a cabbage per walrus.

Ya gotta love livin', pally, cuz dyin's a pain in the ass!

I walked back into the bedroom and, after all that, I actually was surprised. She lay on the bed, her hands nonchalantly behind her head, with the banana between her legs. Only half of it was alfresco. It was if we'd had sex and then, before heading for the bathroom, I'd bookmarked her vagina so as not to lose my place.

Jazz is not dead - it just smells funny

Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.

Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not.