Quotes About Humor

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.

And then there are the Germans. Do you know, they form words by just sticking them together, so that their word for 'Gatling gun' literally translates into 'mechanicaldeviceshootingwithoutcockingrifle?' The words get longer still. No word is too long for a German because it's quite impossible to bore a German. You cannot entertain a Norwegian, you cannot bore a German, and you cannot educate an American or a chimpanzee.

Additionally, he liked to make his readers smile. Still in the preface, he writes that he avoided "academic technicalia," to which he adds a footnote. The footnote reads: Semper ubi, sub ubi, which translated means, "Always where, under where." In English it sounds like, "Always wear underwear.

A tragedy is a tragedy, and at the bottom, all tragedies are stupid. Give me a choice and I'll take A Midsummer Night's Dream over Hamlet every time. Any fool with steady hands and a working set of lungs can build up a house of cards and then blow it down, but it takes a genius to make people laugh.

People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff. I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy— and I keep it in a jar on my desk.

You can't deny laughter when it comes, it plops down in your favorite chair and stays as long as it wants.

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

It's called political economy because it is has nothing to do with either politics or economy.

In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and chains. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale.

In short, you have all the social prospects of a garden gnome.

Laughter is the most powerful weapon against verbal attack anyone can have.

You know, the Lord said to Adam: 'Come forth, come forth,' and he came fifth and won the fucking apple, do you know what I mean. If you can walk away, walk away but it's hard to do

The best scary movies have great humor in them and a great story.

Then I'm the King of the Cats!

I was going to write a book on procrastination, but I kept putting it off.

Life is a joke. Unfortunately, the joke is on us.

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's gonna be up all night.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography

Babies don't need a vacation but I still see them at the beach. I'll go over to them and say, 'What are you doing here, you've never worked a day in your life!'.

I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I got a call from a woman in France who said "Cut it out!

Fall down again, Bella?' No, Emmett, I punched a werewolf in the face.

Hey, Rosalie? Do you know how to drown a blonde? Stick a mirror to the bottom of a pool.

You nicked-named my daughter after the Lock Ness Monster!