Quotes About Humor

She grabbed my left ball, so we left the ball and I balled her.

Without laughter life on our planet would be intolerable. So important is laughter to us that humanity highly rewards members of one of the most unusual professions on earth, those who make a living by inducing laughter in others. This is very strange if you stop to think of it: that otherwise sane and responsible citizens should devote their professional energies to causing others to make sharp, explosive barking-like exhalations.

Laughter would appear to be a physical reflex, although even if it is, this still leaves unanswered the question of why the human response to humor is a convulsive spasm of the respiratory mechanism rather than a crossing of the eyes or a waving of the arms.

But all seriousness aside

I myself despise "Macarena," and yet I have been humming it for the past three days and my two-year-old daughter is now humming it and I'm pretty sure she will never stop.

Touch me with those and your next job will be cleaning bed pans." "I clean bed pans every day.

The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.

to him Marx and Rand were the same because he went by pant size

The President gave a speech recommended for ages 2 to 6.

Did you ever hear someone say this: "It was more fun than a barrel of monkeys." Did you ever smell a barrel of monkeys?

Life's a bitch. Then you marry one.

Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard.

If you start to disrespect the character you're playing, or play it too much for laughs, that can work for a sketch, it will sell some gags, but it's all technique. It's like watching a juggler - you can be impressed by it, but it's not going to touch you in any way.

If you are a great dramatic actor then you often don't know if people are enjoying your stuff at all because they are sitting there in silence. But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't.

But with comedy it's a simple premise. If it's funny, people laugh. If it's not, they don't.

The trick is always to write in pairs because if at least two people find it funny, you've immediately halved the odds of it not being funny.

The great thing is that the funny side of getting old is fuel for my comedy.

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world laughs at you.

Comedians walk out, get a feel for the crowd. If it's not going good, we change directions. If we got to drag your momma into this thing, we will. Whatever we got to do.

I've said over and over again jokingly that the only way a woman can truly be completely satisfied is to get herself four different men—an old one, an ugly one, a Mandingo, and a gay guy. Now the four of them combined? They got you covered.

but it could have gone worse." "Indeed," her father replied. "At least none of us were eaten.

Hey there! You have reached the voice mailbox of GW Fletcher. If you've got something nice to say, wait for the tone. If you don't, do us both a favor and hang up now, asshole. Ha! Just kidding, Mom! You can go ahead and leave a message, too.

He'd be like Tonto with a bong, a brain-damaged Dr. Watson, Robin the Boy Wonder with Attention Deficit Disorder.

When I saw a car get sideswiped by a UPS truck, I had to leave a note. It said, "You have been hit by a UPS truck, but you were not in your car. This truck will return the same time tomorrow. If you are not in your car after a third accident, you can pick up your side-view mirror at the local UPS facility."