Quotes About Humor

Did I do anything last night that suggested I was sane?

Nanny Ogg looked under her bed in case there was a man there. Well, you never knew your luck.

What's a philosopher?' said Brutha. Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head.

You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Dragons? On the Discworld we know that There Be Dragons Everywhere. They might not all have scales and forked tongues, but they Be Here all right, grinning and jostling and trying to sell you souvenirs.

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue.

They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because you're alive, when you really shouldn't be.

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire, said Miss Tick. There may be no survivors.

You're not allowed to call them dinosaurs any more, said Yo-less. It's speciesist. You have to call them pre-petroleum persons.

Nanny Ogg knew how to start spelling 'banana', but didn't know how you stopped.

The purpose of this lectchoor is to let you know where we are. We are in the deep cack. It couldn't be worse if it was raining arseholes. Any questions?

It is at this point that normal language gives up, and goes and has a drink.

It's going to look pretty good, then, isn't it, said War testily, the One Horseman and Three Pedestrians of the Apocalypse.

Juliet's version of cleanliness was next to godliness, which was to say it was erratic, past all understanding and was seldom seen.

It was amazing how many friends you could make by being bad at things, provided you were bad enough to be funny.

If I were you, I'd sue my face for slander.

This was not a fairy-tale castle and there was no such thing as a fairy-tale ending, but sometimes you could threaten to kick the handsome prince in the ham-and-eggs.

If per capita was a problem, decapita could be arranged

This is very similar to the suggestion put forward by the Quirmian philosopher Ventre, who said, Possibly the gods exist, and possibly they do not. So why not believe in them in any case? If it's all true you'll go to a lovely place when you die, and if it isn't then you've lost nothing, right? When he died he woke up in a circle of gods holding nasty-looking sticks and one of them said, We're going to show you what we think of Mr Clever Dick in these parts...

Bursar? Yes, Archchancellor? You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you? Me? No, Archchancellor. Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.

You know, you're rather amusingly wrong.

You do know you could find yourself charged with being a dominant species while under the influence of impulse-driven consumerism, don't you?

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR?