Quotes About Humor

Finally, thank you very much to Jeaniene Frost and Jill Myles. This book does have sex in it. Please don't hit me anymore. ~Ilona Andrews in the Acknowledgements section of Magic Bleeds

I stopped the blade two inches before it touched Andrea's neck. Because she was my best friend, and sticking knives into your best friend's windpipe was generally considered to be a social faux pas.

You're crazy, you know that? Yes. But I'm a demon in the sack. I laughed. Okay then. That fixes everything. That's right, it does.

Syphilis. Lots and lots of magically delicious Syphilis.

I reached over and squeezed Curran's hand. "Come on, you, me, a platter of barely seared meat, it will be great. If we see the navigators, we can make fun of the way they hold their forks.

Eleven out of twelve work fine. I'd say that's better chances than getting an orgasm with a blind date and women still try. He blinked and laughed softly. I never know what you'll say next. I don't either.

Maybe you should make me a list of people I can kill and ways in which they're allowed to die," he said. "You are not funny." "I'm very funny.

Someone knocked on the door. "Come in!" Barabas called. The door swung open and Derek stuck his head in. "Hey, do you have any duct tape?" He saw me, stepped back, and closed the door without a word. Well. "Coward," Barabas said, loud enough for Derek to hear.

My point is, I would never hurt you or your family." I raised my chin at him. "If you tried to hurt my mother, I would totally kick your ass." "Aha." "Yes. You would be lying on the ground, crying, 'No more, no more,' and I would be kicking you in the stomach, wham, wham, wham!" He laughed softly.

The door swung open and Kate walked in. Her jeans and T-shirt were splattered with blood and she was carrying a severed vampire head. The T-shirt has a smiley face on it.

You're letting him get to you. You're like a walking mythological encyclopedia, Kate. You pull random mystical crap out of your head and figure out that a giant monster nobody has seen on the face of the planet for three thousand years is allergic to hedgehogs and then you find a cute hedgehog and stab the monster in the eye with it." "Where do you even get this shit?

You will show that thing to me and from now on, I will deal with them. I opened my eyes really wide and fluttered my eyelashes at him. I'm sorry, I must've missed your coronation ceremony. Silly me.

I wondered if kicking him in the head would make the whole explanation pop out of his mouth in one chunk.

I believe I've met your grandfather, the Bloody Butcher of Odar. That's correct. I remember now. A delightful man, wonderfully dry sense of humor. Arland blinked. My grandfather has been called many names in his lifetime. Delightful was not one of them. He remembers you also. You tried to poison him. Caldenia waved her fingers. I've tried to poison everyone at one time or another. Don't take it personally.

Did the Order return your sense of humor as part of the severance package?

Doode, George said. He'd practiced all morning but still didn't get it quite right. Nope, more u , less oo . Duuude. Dude. Dude. Okay, dude. George nodded. How's it hanging? Jack asked. How am I supposed to answer that? George looked at him. I don't think Kaldar said anything about that. I guess 'good'? I don't get it. What's hanging anyway? George shook his head. Your stuff, you nimwit. His stuff... Oh. Ha! In that case, it's hanging long! Jack dissolved in giggles. Long, get it?

He stepped forward, took a deep breath, and doubled over in a sneezing fit. My werewolf was allergic to tortoises. Why me?

You've been here before? Derek asked, his gaze firmly fixed on Rowena's ass shifting under the shimmering green silk a few steps above us. Wiggles, I told him. He blinked, then realized I wasn't referring to Rowena's backside.

He said, 'Yeah, but will I get chicks? In truckloads?

Rose pictured him standing at the boundary of the Ogletree house in that enormous fur cape, with a giant sword sticking over his shoulder, roaring at the top of his lungs and then being upset that nobody came out, and laughed.

I take back what I said about the donkey,'' Ascanio said. ''She's awesome

If you ever decide on a career change, I'd avoid motivational speaking.

I squinted at her. "You're an adult." "You're an adult too." "But you're an older adult. You've had more practice." Mom leaned back and laughed.

I opened my eyes as wide as I could. "Why, of course, Your Majesty. What was I thinking? I will go and do this right away, just please don't look at me." "Kate, get in the car." "Maybe you should growl dramatically. I don't think I'm intimidated enough.