Quotes About Humor

In most marriages, lust and love become tempered by normalcy. If you hear your husband farting in the bathroom seconds before he emerges and asks if you want to fool around, you generally don't want to fool around. You might, after a few minutes, but you have to forgive your husband for… well, for being human. For eating a bean burrito. After all, you ate the bean burrito, too.

An ass lift? At eighty-two? I plan on proudly letting my ass drag when I'm eighty-two. I sure as hell wouldn't—

I'm Jenny Tate. Robert Tate's daughter. Great. I'd sound like an idiot. My name is Inigo Montoya, and you slept with my father.

I'm trying not to wet myself with excitement," I murmur back. "It's harder after having the triplets.

The last time I had this done, it felt like the doctor used an elephant tusk." "We got rid of all our tusks last year," I said, smiling.

particularly gruesome menopause (or meno-go, as the case was),

I opened the night table drawer and closed it fast. Okay, then. Mom still had womanly needs. Good for her. I'd get some eye bleach and erase that memory, stat.

He laughed and my ovaries frothed with eggs.

James glanced at his watch. Fifteen minutes had passed. This felt longer than a problematic colonoscopy.

How many men are stupid enough to dump two Emerson girls?" Dad asked. "Too bad we're not mobbed up. We could have his body dumped in the Farmington River.

I'm always buried in something. But I love you. I try to listen to what's going on. If you need me, just—bring in a bucket of water, or something. Well, not water around the computers. Maybe a cattle prod. No. Not around the computers . . .." "Ice," I said. "Down the back.

Stashia: I don't know what I'd do without you Finn: You'd probably have a broken leg

Maybe she's a mud puddle nymph," Carmen snickered.

To appreciate nonsense requires a serious interest in life.

Lucy: I don't feel like talking about college. It increases my stress level. James: And increased stress levels lead to hair loss. Lucy: My head-hair volume is fine. James: You say that like I should be concerned about leg-hair volume.

There's something about a Christmas sweater that will always make me laugh.

With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny.

There are so many funny women in the world, and there has been for so many years, so I'll be happy when people can just move on from that, and things can just be 'comedies' and not 'female' or 'male ' and everyone gets an equal opportunity.

Great! He has indigestion, so let's torture him with cake.

If I died, would it get me out of my geometry test tomorrow? One could only hope.

That man is such a damn turd monkey." "Grandma!" I said. "Oh, Zoeybird, did I call your mother's husband a damn turd monkey out loud?" "Yes, Grandma, you did." She looked at me, her dark eyes sparkling. "Good.

Ah crap!" I instantly shooed away darkness and whatnot, so that I was solid, visible me again. "Sorry, Stevie Rae. I forgot I'd gone all Bram Stoker.

Caro: "Bite me." Ruby: "I gave that up in kindergarten.

You look great," he said. It made her smile, even if it was a lie. "I'm as big as a house." He laughed. "I like houses. In fact, I'm thinking about architecture as a career.