Quotes About Humor

I stopped listening to Justin. I don't think he likes to leave anything as nature intended. He'd iron out the lump on a camel's back and get a pelican to have its throat lifted.

Karl Pilkington

I don't mind watching comedians telling jokes on the telly, as you don't have to react, but if someone tells me a joke to my face I feel under pressure to find it amusing.

People say having kids is life changing, well that doesn't necessarily mean a good thing, does it? I could take one of my legs off. That would change me life.

I must be so lucky, as I'd been using the boiler without the plastic ring for ages and me and Suzanne are still alive (I wish there was a sarcasm font).

If you're worrying about the colour of your anus, things must be good, as you can't have proper worries in your life.

The only memory I have was how the wrestler's balls that were thrust into my face left a saltiness on my lips.

HUMOR IS POWER. ~ Karyn Buxman, RN, neurohumorist __________________     Chapter 1 What's NOT So Funny About Nursing?     12 hour shifts . . . Doctors with attitude . . . Cranky co-workers . . . Frequent flyers . . . Non-compliant patients . . . Frustrated administrators . . . Antibiotic-resistant superbugs . . . Healthcare reform . . . Disorganized supply closets . . . Dwindling budgets . . . Increasing workloads . . . Bad hospital coffee.

Lucinda," she finally returned most cordially, "if I were to be marooned on a desert island for the remainder of my days and must needs choose between your company and that of an organ-grinder's flea-bitten monkey, I should not hesitate a moment before opting for the latter.

Well... they say friends help you move and good friends help you move bodies.

Good news?' Gloria queried. She wondered if Emily was pregnant again (was that good news?), so she was taken aback when Emily said, 'I've found Jesus.' 'Oh,' Gloria said. 'Where was he?

Did God get out of bed one morning and draw back the curtains (Reggie's imaginary God led a very domesticated life) and think, 'A drowning in a hotel swimming pool, I fancy. We haven't had that one in a while.

I'm not myself, she said and then laughed maniacally, but God knows who I am.

The Grim Reaper, Gloria corrected herself - if anyone deserved capital letters it was surely Death. Gloria would rather like to be the Grim Reaper. She wouldn't necessarily be grim, she suspected she would be quite cheerful (Come along now, don't make such a fuss).

Being flippant was harder work than being earnest

But melancholy, that was his own true humor. A miserable bastard, in other words.

They have no sense of humour whatsoever – even Bunty has a sense of humour compared with our hosts. They have united Prussian gloom and Presbyterian dourness in an awesome combination.

After he was born, the midwife said, "Boys wreck your house, girls wreck your head." Archie seemed intent on doing both.

Wit beyond measure is a man's greatest treasure.

Never rub another man's rhubarb.

Men's second childhood begins when a woman gets a hold of him.

Has it ever struck you that trout bite best on the Sabbath? God's critters tempting decent men.

You might be a redneck if you think the Mountain Men in Deliverance were just misunderstood.

No man will ever put his hand up your dress looking for a library card.