Quotes About Humor

Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

No man rides harder than my Lord Scamperdale - always goes as if he had a spare neck in his pocket.

With my old man I got no respect. When he took me hunting he gave me a three minute head start. Then on the way home he tied me to the fender and put the deer in the car.

There was a young man of Quebec Who was frozen in snow to his neck, When asked, 'Are you Friz?' He replied, 'Yes I is, But we don't call this cold in Quebec.'

Wit will never make a man rich, but there are places where riches will always make a wit.

This man [Chesterfield], I thought, had been a Lord among wits; but I find he is only a wit among Lords.

Men of humor are always in some degree men of genius; wits are rarely so, although a man of genius may, amongst other gifts, possess wit, as Shakespeare.

Man is that guy ripped. I mean, I've got the washboard stomach, too. It's just that mine has about two months of laundry on top of it.

One good, hearty laugh is a bombshell exploding in the right place, while spleen and discontent are a gun that kicks over the man who shoots it off.

When a man plays a woman in a dress, you're halfway there. It's inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it's not that instant kind of funny.

For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this world than the sight of a lone man facing single-handedly a half a ton of angry pot roast!

A man walks into a bar, and he said OUCH, cause it was an iron bar.

Man went into a bar, he only had one arm. Guy sitting next to him said 'Hey, you've got your sleeve in my drink', man replied, 'There's no arm in it'

I remember filling my car up in London when an 85-year-old man said to me, 'You've done our age group proud.' That made me laugh. I'm not quite there yet!

In Men in Black, it was a very small character, no pun intended.

A man cannot make him laugh - but that's no marvel; he drinks no wine.

There live not three good men unhanged in England; and one of them is fat and grows old.

Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.

I am not only witty in myself, but the cause that wit is in other men.

He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

I wonder why men get serious at all. They have this delicate, long thing hanging outside their bodies which goes up and down by its own will. If I were a man I would always be laughing at myself.

Men. You can't live with them, you can't... no. That's about it.

Men. You can't live with them...and you can't legally shoot them. I tossed out my husband eight years ago and got a llama instead. Best decision I ever made.