Quotes About Humor

I see God as a song-and-dance man. If I had my way, he'd be able to carry a tune, too. Preferably, one of mine.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

I love men in bed when they are sleeping. But then they have to go and wake up

Garion started shaving. "Try to keep away from your nose," said Hettar wryly. "A man looks quite strange without a nose.

When a man says it's a silly childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.

Wit, like money, bears an extra value when rung down immediately it is wanted. Men pay severely who require credit.

A man cannot please long who has only one kind of wit.

I am accusing him of stealing my best material, he was a very funny man.

Life is too short for men to take it seriously.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

A wealthy man is one who earns $100 a year more than his wife's sister's husband.

I've always felt that the placement of a man's testicles is an eloquent argument against intelligent design.

If men bore children, there would only be one born in each family.

Dying man couldn't make up his mind which place to go to-both have their advantages, heaven for the climate, hell for the company!

The straight man has to know to relate to the comic. When I think of the great comedy teams, I think of Martin & Lewis, Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello.

I am a God-fearing man. In fact, I don't go to church because I'm afraid I'll run into him there.

As the purpose of comedy is to correct the vices of men, I see no reason why anyone should be exempt.

People would say to me, "Hey man, you look just like Paul McCartney", and I'd say: "I wish I had his money!"

A husband is a man who two minutes after his head touches the pillow is snoring like an overloaded omnibus.

I'm a self-made man. Who else would help?

A man must sometimes laugh at himself or go mad,' said he. 'Few realize it. That is why there are so many madmen in the world.

Men don't mature. Marry a younger one.

Some people have an inner child that speaks to them. I have an inner old man who just yells random [stuff] at me all day.

It is depressing to hear the unfortunate or dying man jest.