Quotes About Humor

Some men, like a wet dog, sprinkle a shower of advice over you when you are least prepared for a bath.

You should really treat stand-up like you would a play. It's a one-man play.

A crossbow?" Pigeon asked. I left my battle-ax in my other jeans," the man said.

Men love a joke - on the other fellow. But your really humorous woman loves a joke on herself.

In a man, I like funny guys. A guy who doesn't have a lot of therapy, who's mature. A man, not a boy.

Dom DeLuise was a big man in every way. He was big in size and created big laughter and joy.

Oh, my dating skills are the worst. No, I pick the wrong men; it's amazing. I am awful, the worst dater.

There is nothing in cricket more calculated to raise a laugh than the sight of some determined and serious man under a spiralling catch.

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

Quentin Crisp (to handsome young man on the street): "What's the matter, sexy? Don't you like dehydrated fruit?

Jacques Cousteau, the last man to see Jimmy Hoffa. Never got a dinner!

When people say to me: would you rather be thought of as a funny man or a great boss? My answer's always the same, to me, they're not mutually exclusive.

All men look nerdy in black socks and sandals.

Don't throw me teddy-bears, I'm 23! I'm a man! Throw me condoms or money! Paper, not coins.

I asked a Jewish man, "Do you know where Michigan Avenue is?" He said, "Yes", and walked away.

England always seems to me like a man swimming with his clothes on his head.

When I was a child, I was referred to as the Danny Kaye of the family, because I was always impersonating and mimicking people. I was a song and dance man.

I called my cat William because no shorter name fits the dignity of his character. Poor old man, he has fits now, so I call him Fitz-William.

Me in a one-man tent crouching over carrier bag. It's not just the lowest point of the trip. It's the lowest point ever. In 38 years.

You never see an old man eating a Twix

Men think monogamy is something you make dining tables out of.

I do destroy men on a weekly basis. It's like a hobby. I'm like a praying mantis.

Never tell the box-office man that you can't hear well or he will sell you a seat where you can't see either.

Whenever a big white man picks up a banjo, my cheeks tighten.