Quotes About Humor

What kind of man gives cigarettes to trees?

Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.

When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry.

I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!

Man is unconquerable because he can make even his helplessness so entertaining. His motto seems to be "Even though He slay me, yet will I make fun of Him!

What men say: I'm sorry, honey. I was wrong. What men think: I'd love a Chipwich. I should go get one.

Very often, I don't make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.

The man who accused Richard Simmons of slapping him in an airport has dropped the assault charge. Dropped it! Upon hearing the news, Simmons sadly responded, "You mean I'm not going to prison?"

If a man is wise, he gets rich an' if he gets rich, he gets foolish, or his wife does. That's what keeps the money movin' around.

I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.

I'm the fortieth ugliest man in this bar. But so what! So what!... Isn't this how people used to fall in love?

So I want to thank the Pentagon, the Soviet Union and the military-industrial complex from the bottom of my heart. Without them, I could never have become the man I am today.

I hope they bury me near a strait man

What is it about men, anyway? You can't live with 'em and the law frowns on neutering them. It's not exactly a win-win situation.

You gotta have the balls to go out there and be funny, man.

Old man with an old phone. That's never not funny.

So... I take it that's the man in your life.

Odd's fish, m'dear! The man can't even tie his own cravat!

(Man, I wish life had emoticons, you know? So that when your dad pisses you off you could like click a mental button or something and just show him one of those rolleyes. That would rock) Anyway.

Does anyone know where the Best Men are? I hope they're not in the parking lot stealing our hubcaps.

There have been man-on-the-street interviews for years, but insulting people is not that funny to me.

I ruined my hands in the ring. The referee kept stepping on them.

He took his misfortune like a man - he blamed it on his wife.

My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.