Quotes About Humor

There is always something to chuckle about. Sometimes we see it. Sometimes . . . we don't. Still, the world is filled with humor. It is there when we are happy and it is there to cheer us up when we are not.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

It has always seemed to me that hearty laughter is a good way to jog internally without having to go outdoors.

A good belly laugh is like taking your liver for a horseback ride.

A good laugh helps us recognize how ridiculous it is to get excited about matters that are often trivial. . . .

Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of the heart.

When we can laugh through our tears, we are being given a powerful message. Things may be bad, but they cannot be all that bad.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb . . . and I also know that I'm not blonde.

His toupee makes him look twenty years sillier.

I've put on a lot of weight... I only weighed six and a half pounds when I was born.

They say tall people live a lot longer than short people. No they don't. They're just so irritating it seems they are around a lot longer.

He has more chins than a Chinese phone book.

I resent my barber when he charges the full cost after he cuts my hair, but he says he's charging me for finding it.

I was the best man at the wedding. So why is she marrying him?

When my wife was asked, "Do you take this man for richer or poorer . . ." she answered, "For richer."

"So you want to become my son-in-law." "Not exactly. I just want to marry your daughter."

Keeping a secret from my wife is like trying to smuggle daylight past a rooster. Annoyed wife to husband: Can't you just say we've been married twenty-four years instead of "almost a quarter of a century"?

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

A friend of mine hated her husband so much that when he died she had him cremated, blended him with marijuana, and smoked him. She said, "That's the best he's made me feel in years."

Vasectomy means not ever having to say you're sorry.

There must be at least 500 million rats in the United States; of course, I am speaking only from memory.

That which we remember of our conduct is ignored by our closest neighbour; but that which we have forgotten having said, or even what we never said, will cause laughter even into the next world.

Men don't get cellulite. God might just be a man.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin with a grin.