Quotes About Humor

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't put his pants on.

Epigram: a wisecrack that has played Carnegie Hall.

Flint must be an extremely wealthy town; I see that each of you bought two or three seats.

When Babe Ruth was asked in 1930 how he felt about making more money that the President of the United States, he replied 'I had a better year than he (Herbert Hoover) did.' When Tom Snyder was asked in 1977 how he felt about making more money per year than President Carter, he replied, 'I have to go out and buy my own 707.'

If Roosevelt were alive he'd turn in his grave.

'Are you lost daddy?' I asked tenderly. 'Shut up,' he explained.

At bottom the world isn't a joke. We only joke about it to avoid an issue with someone, to let someone know that we know he's there with his questions; to disarm him by seeming to have heard and done justice to his side of the standing argument.

You want to make God laugh? Tell him your future plans.

I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.

My wife converted me to religion. I never believed in hell until I married her.

I write lustily and humorously. It isn't calculated; it's the way I think. I've invented a writing style that expresses who I am.

We don't see many fat men walking on stilts.

I was playing it like Willie Wilson, but I forgot that I'm in Clint Hurdle's body.

No one is more profoundly sad than he who laughs too much.

One is healthy when one can laugh at the earnestness and zeal with which one has been hypnotized by any single detail of one's life.

Imagination was given to us to compensate for what we are not; a sense of humor was provided to console us for what we are.

There will be sex after death; we just won't be able to feel it.

Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance.

Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.

Definition of a Jewish nymphomaniac: A woman who will make love the same day she has her hair done.

Sex at eighty-four is terrific, especially the one in the winter.

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.

For birth control I rely on my personality.