Quotes About Humor

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No bablo ingles."

I've got nothing against girls in tight sweaters - darn it!

Everybody hates me because I'm so universally liked.

Sleep faster, we need the pillows.

The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.

Melancholy men are of all others the most witty.

A brilliant epigram is a solemn platitude gone to a masquerade ball.

A man often runs the risk of throwing away a witticism if he admits that it is his own.

Wit is the epitaph of an emotion.

Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Wit is far more often a shield than a lance.

Brevity is the soul of wit.

Is sex dirty? Only if it is done right.

I know lots more old drunks than old doctors.

Boys don't make passes at female smart-asses.

Any man who has had the job I've had and didn't have a sense of humor wouldn't still be here.

This world is a comedy to those who think, a tragedy to those who feel.

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.

Age 35. — I just read that men reach their sexual peak at 18. Women reach their sexual peak at 35. Do you get the feeling that God is into practical jokes? We're reaching our sexual peak right around the same time they're discovering they have a favorite chair.

Age 59. — With sixty staring me in the face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and a definite hardening of the paragraphs.

Oh, my dear sir... Bless your heart and hide...

If at first you don't succeed, have a beer.

I've had a wonderful evening — but this wasn't it.

When a ham actor told George Jessel "I'm a sensation at the Roxy. Last night I had the audience glued to their seats," Jessel snapped, "Wonderful! How clever of you to think of it."