Quotes About Humor

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms"

What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.

I do date quite small men. And one large man! Just one.

I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. And then I laughed REALLY hard.

One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid, usually standing from behind.

I'm married, which means that instead of occasionally wondering about men from afar, I actually live with one and can be constantly astounded by the strange male brain.

When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.

Only man had dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny.

In our family we don't divorce our men - we bury them.

The size of a man's understanding might always be justly measured by his mirth.

Look, I promise I'm not psychotic. Eccentric and idiosyncratic, but not psychotic. (Sebastian) I'll bet the prisons are full of men who have told women that. (Channon)

What do you get the man who has everything? Might I suggest a gravestone inscribed with the words: so what?

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs. If you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Comedy is essentially made by young men, or older men with some form of arrested development, for young men or immature older men.

A woman says to a man, "I haven't seen you around here." "Yes, I just got out of jail for killing my wife." "So you're single!"

Some have supposed that the mosquito is of a devout turn, and never will partake of a meal without first saying grace. The devotions of some men are but a preface to blood-sucking.

There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes his whole universe for a vast practical joke.

For a man learns more quickly and remembers more easily that which he laughs at, than that which he approves and reveres.

"Diiiie men." If you play any Broad City episode backwards, that's all we're saying.

Judge a man's character by what he finds ridiculous.

Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve.

I would do nearly anything for a laugh, to tell the truth. And I'm a particular favourite with young men with earrings.

I had spent many years before I was 31 hearing people tell me, Oh Man, you're so funny, you need to be in television. But that and a quarter won't get you on a bus.