Quotes About Humor

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

But Jesus has been depicted as a serious man. And Christians say he never laughed. Then what is the function of an Enlightened man? If Jesus cannot laugh, then who is going to laugh in this world?

All you earnest young men out to save the world. . . please, have a laugh.

What is so funny about us is precisely that we take ourselves too seriously. Laughter is the same and healthy response to the innocent foibles of men; and even to some which are not innocent.

Middle age is the time of life that a man first notices in his wife.

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

I wore a thong and a bra and a wig. Those things hurt. I mean, thongs? Like, they dig in. It takes a tough man to be a woman.

In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. I asked him, "Why didn't you walk down?" He said, "because I was going up!"

A woman was taking a shower. There is a knock on the door. Who is it? Blind man! The woman opens the door. Where do you want these blinds, lady?

I have seen many a bear led by a man: but I never before saw a man led by a bear.

Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. It's our only joke. Every woman knows that.

The Bible declares that on the sixth day God created man. Right then and there, God should have demanded a damage deposit.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

Nothing tells more about the character of a man than the things he makes fun of.

When I heard that Hitler had problems with flatulence, it's funny. What - does that make him a funny man? No. It means he had funny moments when his rear end was speaking louder than his mouth.

I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the very least parachutes that pop out of our butts.

I pick my nose and I'm not ashamed to admit it. If there's a bogey then just pick it, man.

A man once told me that his dog was half pit bull and half Poodle. He claimed that it wasn't much good as a guard dog, but it was a vicious gossip.

So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?

I don't think that women necessarily always write like women. I was a writer on the Comedy Central Roasts for a while, and I always wrote the jokes that people assumed the men would write.

A Scot is a man who keeps the Sabbath, and everything else he can lay his hands on.

Don't argue! You cannot win, you cannot beat a woman in a arguement. It's impossble you will not win. Cause men, we are handicapped when it comes to arguing cause we have a need to make sense

Women, somehow, have the same fear of witty men as of fireworks.