Quotes About Humor

I don't believe in vitamin pills. I swear by men, darling-and as many as possible.

Don't cook. Don't clean. No man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum.

My mother told me 'man on top, woman underneath.' For years my husband & I slept in bunk beds.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

American comedies especially are all about these men being browbeaten by their wives and it's impossible for me to watch.

The only man who really needs a tail coat is a man with a hole in his trousers.

Humor springs from rage, hay fever, overdue rent and miscellaneous hell.

Some people don't get it when I'm being sarcastic.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.

A three-year old was examining his testicles while taking a bath. 'Mom,' he asked,'are these my brains?' 'Not yet.' she replied.

My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom's very silly, and that side of the family is very musical.

Teddy, Vern, Chris: I don't shut up. I grow up. And when I look at you, I throw up. Aghhh! Gordie: And then your mom goes around the corner and she licks it up.

You know Moms has been accused of liking young men, and I'm guilty.

Koko B. Ware … his mom's first name was Tupper.

When I was 10 there wasnt trampolines and cartoon charaters, I never went to Chuck E Cheese! My mom said 'You wanna see a mouse pull the refrigerator Out!'

[On turning down an invitation to appear for four minutes on the Ed Sullivan Show:] Honey, it takes Moms four minutes just to get on the stage.

Ann Romney talking about middle class moms is like Chris Christie talking about a salad

Adam and Eve had many advantages, but the principal one was that they escaped teething.

Ann Romney: 'The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.'

My dad told me if I was ever intimidated by anyone, just picture them with their clothes off. He said that's how he dealt with my mom.

I bet your mom would let me." -Pigeon, Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus-

Keeping a sense of humor about life. My parents divorced when I was 8, and whenever I felt down, my mom would remind me that a sense of humor gets you through just about anything.

My first words, as I was being born [...] I looked up at my mother and said, 'that's the last time I'm going up one of those.