Quotes About Humor

He looked around when he heard a window-rattling roar. Earthquake? Volcano? Nuclear war? Beaver, Peter told him. I don't care if it is Alaska, you don't have beavers big enough to sound like that.

Look, if some guy dressed in his mother's clothes breaks in, fight him off until I get my pants back on.

Roz to Amelia (the house ghost): How considerate of you, after trying to kill me, to see that I don't catch a cold.

I had to get by the flower beds he's planted, the flowers in vases, candles, the potpourri in the powder room— Mother of God! Potpourri in the powder room. We need to get a posse together ASAP , go get him. He can be deprogrammed. Don't lose hope.

So we ate some smoke, so what?" "You lost most of your eyebrows." Stunned, she pressed her fingers above her eyes. "Shit! Why didn't you tell me?" "It's a look.

What the hell are you doing?" "What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" "It looks like you're putting pants on that dog." "Then that's what the hell I'm doing.

Kate studied the clipboard and the pocket calculator on the floor. Did you figure out how to work that thing? You don't have to be a CPA to use a calculator. I meant the clipboard. Ha ha.

That dog'll roll in the snow, run in the snow, eat the damn snow, but he wont throught it to shit. I dont clear the path, he shits right by the door. Why is that? Ryder asked. Owen replied, Hence the name. The name of Ryder's dog...Dumbass...

You're going to need this, she said, and pulled out a condom. At some point, we're also going to need a defibrillator and a fire extinguisher. Promises, promises.

I don't want to marry her, I just want to have a nice, civilized dinner with her. Then bounce on her, Seth finished. Christ. He gets that from you, Philip accused Cam. He came that way, Cam wrapped an arm around Seth's neck. Didn't you, brat? The panic didn't come now, as it used to whenever Seth was touched or held. Instead he wriggled and grinned.

Now if we're finished jousting over sex- Darling,I haven't even picked up my lance. That's a very weak double entendre. She had him there. It's early.why don't you tell me why i'm having breakfast with you. I was up all night. The comment that occurred to him was not only weak,but crude.He let it pass.

If I wasn't a man,I'd punch that jealous cat in the nose. His eyes lit up. I'll get Susie to do it.

I don't allow my child to drink carbonated sugar! Well, bless your heart. With that eyebrow arch for Charlotte, Lily took Cate's hand. Guess who's not in charge today?

Good night, Keeley. Good night, Brian. Thanks for the ride. Adelia waited until the men were out, then turned to her daughter. Keeley, I never would've thought it of you. You're tormenting the poor man. There's nothing poor about that man. Delighted with herself, Keeley broke off a piece of bread and crunched down on it. And tormenting him is so rewarding. Well,there's not a woman with blood in her could argue with that. Mind you don't hurt him, darling.

And my father? Brian's grin flashed. I like thinking that's where I got the fifty.I told him he's better off sticking with the horses. Keeley's brow rose. And his response to that? Isn't something I can repeat in polite company.

Don't you fancy having one of your dresses in the Smithsonian, Shelby? Your humor's always been on the odd side, Grant. Thanks.

Can you cook? No. Drawing her brows together, she grabbed both of his ears and drew his head up. Not at all? That's remarkably chauvinistic for a man whose policies primarily reflect the feminist viewpoint. Alan lifted a brow. I don't expect you to be able to cook either. Amusement shot into his eyes. Can you? Shelby struggled with a grin. Barely. I find that odd for someone with your appetite. I eat out a lot.

Well, Ms. Fontaine, you look damn good for a dead woman. Her response was to narrow her eyes, arch a brow. If that's some sort of cop humor, I'm afraid you'll have to translate.

Why are you carrying me?" "Well, it didn't seem neighborly to drag you by the hair.

If it was my job to clean the kitchen after dinner,then that damn kitchen was going to sparkle so bright you'd need sunglasses for your midnight snack. That's frightening. Responding to the humor in his eyes, she nodded.

Kids are still up, David commented, noting the guest house was lit up like a Vegas casino. I'll have to kill them. Yes, I've noticed what a terrifying and brutal father you are. And how your children fear you. He slanted her a look. I wouldn't mind seeing the occasional tremble out of them. I think it's way too late for that. You've gone and raised two happy, well-adjusted kids

Shelby trailed off when she spotted the goldfish swimming in circles inside the Waterford. Well, he's come up in the world, she said with a jerky laugh. I don't think he appreciates it.

I don't get treadmills. You get all sweaty and go nowhere. Now, sex? You get all sweaty and go everywhere." He lifted his head to look at her. "Now I'm going to think about sex whenever I'm on the treadmill." "You're welcome.

He worked for two hours, perfecting the storyline-the situation, the setup, the punchline.After changing her tire and practicing macho lines to impress her, Macintosh ended up with five dollars, a stutter, and soaked shoes as Veronica zoomed out of his life.