Quotes About Humor

How can I not laugh? I'm already dead.

About my boss, Tyler tells me, if I'm really angry, I should go to the post office and fill out a change-of-address card and have all his mail forwarded to Rugby, North Dakota.

Never, ever say the dildo accidentally turned itself on.

So this is why I write. Because most times, your life isn't funny the first time through. Most times, you can hardly stand it.

It does not mat­ter. The joke is we all have the same punch line.

Oh, I am just that fabulous. So sex furniture.

Branch Bacardi, star of The Da Vinci Load, To Drill a Mockingbird, The Postman Always Cums Twice, Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, The Twilight Bone, A Tale of Two Titties...

Life in These United States. Laughter Is the Best Medicine.

What I do know is I've got a brain filled with jokes I can't forget - like a tumor the size of a grapefruit inside of my skull. And I know that eventually even dog shit turns white and stops stinking, but I have this permanent head filled with crap I've been trained my whole life to think is funny.

Panicking by yourself is the same as laughing alone in an empty room. You feel really silly.

I'm thirteen years old, and I'm somewhat overweight. Meaning: I'm dead and fat. Meaning: I'm a piggy-pig-pig, oink-oink, real porker. Just ask my mom. I'm thirteen and fat - and I will stay this way forever. And yes, I know the word ulcerate. I'm dead, not illiterate.

It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.

If humor comes from anything, it arises from an immense feeling of relief.

The security guy asked my name address and phone number, and then he asked me what was the difference between a condom and a cockpit.

That's why the bran muffins and the colonoscopies.

my father for advice he'd tell you, "The secret to being a successful comedian is to never stop talking until you hear someone laugh." Meaning: Persevere. Meaning: Be determined. Make just one person laugh; then leverage that person and that joke into more laughter. As some people decide you're funny, increasing numbers of people will begin to agree.

You do know to put the condom on as soon as the penis is erect, don't you? -I paid a fortune for bananas out of season in case you need the practice. This is a trap. If I say, Oh yeah, I roll rubbers onto new dry erections all the time, I'll get the slut lecture from my father. But if I tell them, No, we'll get to spend Christmas Day practicing to protect me from fruit.

If I had a tumor, I'd name it Marla.

So this is why I write. Because most times, your life isn't funny the first time through. Most times, you can hardly stand it. That's why I write, because life never works except in retrospect.

I am totally Joe's Gallbladder.

sedÄ›l jsem tu v marné touze, chtÄ›l jsem srát, vÅ¡ak prdÄ›l pouze

Wenn meine Eltern sich Gott überhaupt einmal vorstellten, dann als himmelhohen berggroßen Schwulenrechtler, der mit geflügelten Delfinen anstelle von Cherubim das Ozonloch repariert. Und Regenbögen, jede Menge Regenbögen.

How many bodybuilders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It takes four. One bodybuilder to screw in the bulb, and three others to watch and say, "Really, dude, you look huge!

Personas que conozco y que solían llevarse pornografía al cuarto de baño, ahora se llevan el catálogo de muebles de IKEA.