Quotes About Humor

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend on reading it.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Room service? Send up a larger room." [ A Night at the Opera ]

I must admit, I was born at an early age.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Don't look now, but there's one man too many in this room, and I think it's you.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.