Quotes About Humor

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

I've got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Was that you or the duck?

Die, my dear? Why that's the last thing I'll do!

If I hold you any closer I'll be in back of you!

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight...

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Come on in girls, and leave all hope behind.

You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

Everyone must believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer

I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

You're a great brother. You give us a heart attack worrying about your heart attack, which you didn't even have the decency to have!

Groucho Marx "This is not a book that should be set aside lightly - it should be flung with great force.

That's bad luck: three on a midget.

I have had a wonderful time but this wasn't it.

I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup: