Quotes About Humor

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?

Eu não sou vegetariano, mas como animais que são.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

That's three quotes? Add another quote and make it a gallon.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.

You know, I would buy you a parachute if I thought it wouldn't open.

Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I was born at a very early age.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.

Estos son mis principios; si no le gustan, tengo otros

I wish I'd been a Hell-raiser when I was 30 years old. I tried when I was 50 but I always got sleepy.

If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Éstos son mis principios; si no le gustan, tengo otros.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.