Quotes About Humor

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.

A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

I stared at him.' You're scared of bunnies?' 'Blah-hah-hah! They're big bullies. Allways stealing celery from defenseless satyrs!

Mon verre s'est brisé comme un éclat de rire

Tu ne vas pas me faire croire que tu sais allumer un feu de cheminée? s'amusa Billie. — Bien sûr que si ! répondis-je vexé. — Très bien, vas-y, homme, je te regarde avec mes yeux admiratifs de femme soumise.

Puns are a form of humor with words.

Whatever their other contributions to our society, lawyers could be an important source of protein.

They often took a difficulty I had and turned it into an amusing little anecdote. They would take a deadly seriousness, my seriousness, and turn it into a great laugh that they would then let out into the room. What kind of people were they to do that? The amusing anecdote had sharp edges, flew into me and scratched my soul.

McDonald, who was known to hate policemen, was once approached by two cops for a two-dollar donation. "We're burying a policeman," one of them said, to which Mike responded, "Here's ten dollars. Bury five of them.

A thing derided is a thing dead; a laughing man is stronger than a suffering man.

Chicano: The poorer, stupider, more assimilated cousins of Mexicans. Otherwise known as a Mexican-American. George López is such a Chicano with his unfunny jokes.

Chúntaro: A Mexican redneck. Term used mostly by Mexicans against each other. Jeff Foxworthy is a white chúntaro.

Many a man wishes he were strong enough to tear a telephone book in half-especially if he has a teenage daughter.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have a paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

Aaargh...that'll teach me to eat pig in the promised land. Sorry Baby Jesus.

Haha! I'm gonna get ya! Teehee! Come here

Clever people are entertaining and stupid ones give me such a pleasant sense of superiority.

Hey, you know why God invented alcohol? So the Irish wouldn't take over the world.

I think that sometimes the only thing that can make you laugh is accepting the idea that there's no way out.

On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

We believe in healthy, hearty laughter -- at the expense of the whole human race, if needs be. Needs be.

When I was five years old I fell head downward into an empty cistern and was not found until six hours later, at which time I was quietly eating dirt. The year after that I fell out of a neighbor's barn loft. These experiences constitute an adequate preparation for a career in journalism — the equivalent of four years in college