Quotes About Humor

"What's going on?" he asked, looking from face to face. "I was having a good dream." "I need you," said Lisa. "I hear that from women a lot."

Sometimes the funniest people don't know that they're funny - like the administrators in my high school.

Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look great." Ruth: "I do? Must be the lighting."

Men who drink herbal teas are seldom serial killers.

From my perspective, probably women are won over by people who are sweet and respectful and courteous and kind and funny. I think those are the things that win women over.

Women do come up to me after a show, but it's usually to say, 'Yhank you for making us laugh,' and all that.

As God is my witness, the more I deal with women, the more I like my cat.

Now women in comedy is a trendy topic, and people are hungering for women's voices in a way that they haven't before.

Stephen Hawking is getting a divorce. That's scary. If the smartest guy in the world can't figure out women, we're screwed.

I'm trying to get away from trashing women, to be honest. I think I've done enough of that in my career.

Dad is a new person. A person who has learned that forgiveness is better then revenge. Next year, we'll teach him that heart attacks are not like women. You just can't keep having them!

Women don't like guys who are dangerous. Women just want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

A new cologne is coming out. It's for cowboys, and it's made from cow's manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!

I would love to see some comedies about loser women.

I have nothing against women. Some of my best wives were women.

You've got to stop letting women slip drugs into your mouth, Dex, it's unhygienic. And dangerous. One day it'll be a cyanide capsule.

Here it is,' Nigel said. Mrs D, Mrs I, Mrs FFI, Mrs C, Mrs U, Mrs LTY. That spells difficulty.' How perfectly ridiculous!' snorted Miss Trunchbull. 'Why are all these women married?

Men may have wars, but women have their period. Men go off and kill each other, but women say nasty things, which is even better.

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.

I think Irish women are strong as horses, incredibly loyal and for the most part, funny, witty, bright and optimistic in the face of devastating reality.

Sites like Funny or Die and College Humor are great, but I'd say it's appealing to 80% men and 20% women.

Men love it. They have a sense of humor, whereas a lot of women are threatened or just don't get it.

There are a lot of funny people and a lot of unfunny people. Some of them are women and some of them are dudes.

What does being a woman today mean? Is there a right way of doing it? Is there a wrong way of doing it? Different kinds of women, female friendships: It's all pretty funny, and worth making fun of.