Quotes About Humor

What would we say if men changed the length of their trousers every year?

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.

Apparently every man was told to bring three women with them. Sounds like a ho-down.

Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.

Relationship humour gets the most laughs. If I'm able to get the women laughing, men will have to laugh along because they would be scared to death.

In the past quarter century, we exposed biases against other races and called it racism, and we exposed biases against women and called it sexism. Biases against men we call humor.

There were never that many women stand-up comics in the past because the power to make people laugh is also a power that gets people upset.

If there were only three women left in the world, two of them would immediately convene a court-martial to try the other one.

I learned early in life that to laugh before breakfast was to cry before dinner.

Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable.

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

My type of humor is almost pure identification. A housewife reads my column and says, 'But that's happened to ME! I know just what she's talking about!

I've got three women in my life: my mama, ex baby mama and my new baby mama.

Czech Republics worst pick up line: What's a nice place like this doing around a women like you?

One of these days you're going to wake up," William finally said, "and I will have shaved you, Everywhere." (Paris) "Won't make a difference. Women will still want me.

My ex—may he soon discover tiny worms have invaded his body and are slowly eating him alive—once told me God made men so perfect because He'd wanted to make up for the inadequacies of women.

Every time a woman makes herself laugh at her husband's often-told jokes she betrays him. The man who looks at his woman and says 'What would I do without you?' is already destroyed.

Guys will definitely settle for women who get the joke. But a woman who can make you laugh? It's not high on a guy's must list. Perhaps it should be.

I'm lucky. I've worked with extremely talented women who won't sacrifice comedy to make themselves look better.

Humor in a relationship is so important. Many women will say that. Some say, 'If they can make you laugh, it's the sexiest thing on earth.'

A husband should not insult his wife publicly, at parties. He should insult her in the privacy of the home.

Jesse Jackson was involved in a three-car crash this weekend. I understand that no one was hurt, but I understand that two of the women in the other cars are now pregnant.

Women in bed are like Diesel engines. What I mean by that is, it may take them a while to get going, but when you do, they can go for a long, long time. Whereas men are like... bottle rockets.

Women are more verbal than men. That's why when you see an elderly couple together, it's always the man who has the hearing aid.