Quotes About Humor

Swetland remembered, "Ficus declared that if anyone asked what the Big O51 of anything was, he was simply going to say, 'I'm far too handsome to answer that question.

Honest to Jeez, Loafer, if your skin got any thinner, your guts'd pop out and dance a hula.

Marie Snyder's dead, and here you are laughin' about it." "We're all gonna be dead sooner or later," Eddie said. "Maybe it ain't funny, but it ain't no great tragedy neither.

What was the joke the paratroops used in jump school? It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop.

So what's been happening to you?" his friend asked. "You have insomnia, you're off your feed, and you couldn't get it up a couple of times. So what?" He shook his head, laughing again. "I really don't think that if you went to a doctor and described those symptoms, he would shake his head and say"—and Jerry's voice shifted into a very bad imitation of Bela Lugosi's—" 'We are dealing here with the curse of the Undead!

You'll have a faithful Indian companion. Girl Friday. Whatever you want. I'll even launder my own irreclaimable socks. You've already told me I'm a terrific conversationalist, and I'm a person you know who's not dead. Think carefully before you turn down an offer like this.

Good thing he changed it," Jerry mused. "Who could take a vampire named Will Walwoi seriously?" "Jerry … !" "Will Walwoi, Prince of Darkness! Curse of Will Walwoi! Will Walwoi Meets the Wolfman! Abbott and Costello Meet Will Walwoi!" Jerry began to laugh. "Can you imagine Bela Lugosi saying, 'Good eeevening. I am Will Walwoi!

The worst thing that happens is there's an earthquake and we all get sucked into a river of molten lava." "Well …" Ruth said. "That won't hurt much.

I owe you a six-pack." "Imported?" "Will Detroit do?" Roper laughed. "Detroit, Milwaukee, St. Paul. Any of those exotic places. Just as long as it makes foam when you pour it in the glass.

They laughed again, the way one laughs at dead baby jokes: nervously, guiltily, and helplessly.

know, it's kinda nice to have some people in here who died of natural causes. Every once in a while, an inexplicable murder can brighten your day. But enough is enough, you know what I mean?

The missed call and call back drama between men and women deserves its own user mannual.

A laugh is a surprise. And all humor is physical. I was always athletic, so that came naturally to me.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you Saying, 'Damn. We fucked up.

I'm getting so old, I don't even buy green bananas anymore

After all these years, it's still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.

I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.

YouTube, Twitter, and Facebook, are merging. The new program will be called YouTwitFace.

Don't worry, I know what I'm doing — I saw this on Pinterest.

I don't think that memes what you think it memes.

Instead of organizing and cleaning my house, I pin ideas on how to organize and clean my house. The irony is not lost on me.

I think I'll buy a selfie stick so whenever I see someone taking a selfie I can hit them with it.

There is no greater adventure than a magical journey through last night's drunk texts.

Happy National Selfie Day to someone whose face I've seen more than my own.