Quotes About Humor

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.

A boil is no big deal. On someone else's neck.

The bat hanging upside down laughs at the topsy-turvy world.

Nothing compares to the pain of a belly ache from laughing too hard with your best friend.

Friends make you smile — best friends make you giggle 'til you pee your pants.

If you need 144 rolls of toilet paper for a 14-day quarantine you probably should've been seeing a doctor long before COVID-19.

Internet meme, c. 2014

So if the Corona Virus isn't about beer, why do I keep hearing about cases of it?

Am I the only one who ate my two weeks of quarantine snacks all on the first day?

I ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg; tomorrow romaines to be seen.

After seeing how some people wear masks, we now know why contraception fails.

Quarantini recipe — 2 parts whatever alcohol you have lying around and 1 part boredom

How to make a quarantini: Add 4 fl oz vodka, 1 Tbs NyQuil, 1 Tylenol PM, and garnish with a multivitamin.

I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.

Coughing is the new farting.

After all the stupid things I've done in my life, hope I don't die just because I touched my face.

The generation of babies born 9 months from now will be known as Children of the Quarn.

I used to spin the toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

So after this is all over, do the producers of My 600 Pound Life find me or do I need to find them?

Remember back when we used to eat cake after someone blew all over it? Man, were we wild!

With fronds like these, who needs anemones?

Gardeners learn by trowel and error.

Old gardeners never die, they just run out of thyme.