Quotes About Humor

Amen Lula said and she made the sign of the cross. I thought you were Baptist. Yeah, but we don't got any hand signals for an occasion like this.

Thats what her cars do, Lula said. They explode. But I gotta tell you this was the best. This here's the first time she exploded a garbage truck. One time her truck got hit with an antitank missile. That wasn't bad either, but it couldn't compare to this.

Ranger slung an arm around me and hugged me into him, and I could feel him laughing. "It's not funny," I said. "Babe, I haven't got a lot of funny in my life. Let me enjoy the moment.

Stephanie, I'm begging you. Eat some doughnuts. I can't keep going like this. - Morelli

There are four ways to manage stress. There's drugs, there's alcohol, there's sex, and there's doughnuts. I go with sex and doughnuts. I tried the other two and it wasn't any good. You being in a dry spell, you might have to rely on doughnuts.

I don't feel so good. Lula said. And she farted. She squeezed her eyes shut tight and did a full minute-long fart. Excuse me. she said. I was horrified and impressed all at the same time. It was a record breaking fart. On my best day, I couldn't come near to farting like that.

I like my nuts, Mooner said. I don't want them cut off. I'd be, like, nutless then.

You can't put cuffs on Mr. Cluck! What will the kids think? Stuart Bagget

I don't need shoes. I need a night scope. You think they sell night scopes someplace here?

Now that we know you're not a hundred percent vampire you should stop trying to suck necks, I said to Ziggy. I'll try, Ziggy said, but it's a hard habit to break.

I did such a gigantic eye roll I almost fell over.

Kiss those cuffs good-bye. Lula from Hard Eight By Janet Evonavich

Are you telling me your brain and your lady parts decided on a love fest bake-off winner?

Go figure that. Joseph Morelli with a house, a dog, a steady job, and an SUV. And on odd days of the month he woke up wanting to marry me. It turns out want to marry him on even days of the month, so to date we've been spared commitment.

I rushed us out of your parents' house because I didn't think I could manage two hours at the dinner table with everyone focused on Joe Loosey's joystick sitting in the refrigerator next to the applesauce.

Good grief. Are you flirting with me? Honey, my intentions are way past flirting. Your intentions could get you a knee in the groin. Nick grinned. At least your mind's on the right body part.

Howie's doctor told him to lose ten pounds, and since Howie's been on a diet he's gained three.

I'll take a donut over a man any day of the week.

We gotta be professional about this, Lula said, aiming us toward Route 1. We need a plan. How about we get the nail polish first, then we get the guy?

I think I got a bruise from landing on you. I hear bacon is real good for healing a bruise.

I smell vampire -Lula You're a Nut -Stephine Well I smell something. -Lula Mold. -Stephine Yeah. I smell moldy vampire -Lula

I'd kiss you, but you smell like a gym bag.

You need teeth like mine! Grandma said. You can just mail 'em to the dentist!

Your cousin Maureen just got a job at the button factory. They're probably still hiring. Helen Plum