Quotes About Humor

All men are dogs

I wasn't going to argue with you. Why ever would you think that? I never argue." Lucian smiled at her. She was so small, it amazed him she was such a strong person. "Of course you do not argue. What was I thinking? Go to sleep, honey, and allow my poor body to rest." "I'm already asleep. You're the one gabbing.

Why on earth do adults have to laugh so loudly at everything? Hyena laughs, the women worse than the men—except for the times the men were worse than the women.

Daddy," said the toddler, now seething with righteous indignation, "you are a poo-poo head!" Feigning outrage, JFK lowered his voice. "John," he said, "no one calls the President of the United States a poo-poo head.

In Japan, people have something called their charm point. A coy smile, a twinkle in the eye, a faultless sense of humour, or a laugh no one has heard in the history of laughs before. The thing that makes others love you.

Vidal himself joked that at a certain age lawsuits took the place of sex.

Are you comfortable with the fact that somebody just tried to kill you?' 'You'd be surprised,' he told her, grinning. 'There's a rather perverse side of me, to whom that part feels like coming home.' 'I'd heard you have a sick sense of humour. To be honest, I think the word "deranged" really sells it.

it ranked alongside having Vaseline smeared liberally around your ring by a guy with a sack full of ferrets.

A twenty-minute eulogy, unless composed by a) William Shakespeare, b) Winston Churchill, or c) Mark Twain, is sixteen minutes too long. Technical note: It is better to tell a eulogist to speak for four minutes not five minutes. "Five minutes" to the modern ear sounds like "around five minutes," whereas "four minutes" means "four minutes.

Let's look at this rationally...We've got a doctor who may kill him, an Attorney General who wants to declare him bananas, and a Defense Secretary who wants me to start World War III...First, we ruled out starting World War III. We were down to killing the President or having him carted off by the men in white coats...

I didn't have a teacher like Sister Mary Ignatius.

I'm not working class anymore,' he said. 'I'm lower-middle. I use three types of oil in my kitchen. Admittedly one of them is WD-40, but that counts, doesn't it?

Comedy is an escape, not from truth but from despair a narrow escape into faith.

I have come Here to have the protection of your laughter.

I have at least three virtues. How many have you got?

Looking down upon us maybe God laughs, but at the same time he cries too.

Dear boy, I only want to be hanged. What possible objection can he have to that?

La vie sert à faire des opéras-comiques.

He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.

It made him feel like less of a man. And given how much less of a man he'd felt the past several weeks, that was really saying something. He was surprised someone from the Man Club hadn't come by to revoke his dick and balls.

Bad enough that getting turned on when he had nothing more than a bath towel to hide it would make the condition kind of hard to miss, but getting turned on in front of his ex-fiancee was akin to smearing honey on his junk and walking into grizzly territory.

Why does women's underwear have lace and flowers all over it? You never see men's underwear with a big wrench in the middle of it.

We planned this beautiful, totally natural, unmedicated delivery. What kind of stupid-ass idea is that? Next time I want the epidural at the moment of conception. Numb for nine months.

I enjoy a misogynist so long as they have a wicked sense of humor and know, on some level, that they're pigs. This is why I enjoy Philip Roth but not Saul Bellow or James Salter.