Quotes About Humor

If you can laugh, you're less likely to cry.

I said I had a three-year-old with broken fingers, and you said, 'Maybe he owed somebody money.'" "Yes

Anderson portrayed the city in Dark Laughter.

I cattolici mi rendono nervoso perché sono sleali. E i protestanti? domandò ridendo, quelli mi fanno star male con quel loro pasticciare intorno alla coscienza. E gli atei? rideva ancora. Quelli mi annoiano perché parlano sempre di Dio. E lei che cos'è, in conclusione? Io sono un clown.

Los católicos me ponen nervioso -dije-, porque juegan sucio. -¿Y los protestantes? -preguntó riendo. -Me irritan con su manoseo de las conciencias. -¿Y los ateos? -seguía riéndose. -Me aburren, porque siempre hablan de Dios. -¿Y qué es usted, pues? -Soy un payaso -dije-, de momento, superior a mi fama.

I don't trust Catholics," I said, "because they take advantage of you." "And Protestants?" he asked with a laugh. "I loathe the way they fumble around with their consciences." "And atheists?" He was still laughing. "They bore me because all they ever talk about is God." "Then what are you?" "I am a clown," I said...

What I do best are the absurdities of daily life: I observe, add up these observations, increase them to the nth degree and draw the square root from them, but with a different factor from the one I increased them by.

Humor is really one of the hardest things to define, very hard. And it's very ambiguous. You have it or you don't. You can't attain it. There are terrible forms of professional humor, the humorists' humor. That can be awful. It depresses me because it is artificial. You can't always be humorous, but a professional humorist must. That is a sad phenomenon.

Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose.

God will forgive me. It's his job." Heine said this on his deathbed (1856). Hilarious. He must have thought that up years before and counted the seconds to use it.

Whatever tears one may shed, in the end one always blows one's nose.

WE APPROXIMATE THE BIRD'S BODY BY A SPHERE OF RADIUS 5CM, said Sib, I had no idea aerodynamics was so entertaining

Sugar, nobody's perfect. And when ladies try to be perfect, their periods stop.

I cry because I don't have the upper-arm strength to flatiron my hair. I

Write what I know, who wants to read that? If only our apartment was haunted or I was the tiniest bit possessed by the devil.

All we marrieds have a marriage chuckle. A marriage chuckle is a fake laugh you bring out when your spouse does something dumb that you have to pretend is charming. My

One of Mama's parenting mantras was: "Oh, Helen Michelle, I have yet to begin to embarrass you.

I looked so preppy you'd guess my tramp stamp was a monogram

I scroll through iPhone photos and see that if I delete pictures of myself with a double chin, I will erase all proof of my glorious life. I fix myself a hot chocolate because it is a gateway drug to reading. I think I couldn't love my husband more, and then he vacuums all the glitter.

Etiquette for phone solicitors: "Helen Michelle, the way you stop someone from calling again is by saying, 'Thank you so much for calling, but I've just murdered my husband and need to finish digging a hole in the backyard. Good-bye.

My sense of humor will be a ray of sunshine if our plane death-spirals into the frozen tundra

It struck me as pretty ridiculous to be called Mr. Darcy and to stand on your own looking snooty at a party. It's like being called Heathcliff and insisting on spending the entire evening in the garden, shouting "Cathy" and banging your head against a tree.

Resolution number one: Obviously will lose twenty pounds. Number two: Always put last night's panties in the laundry basket. Equally important, will find sensible boyfriend to go out with and not continue to form romantic attachments to any of the following: alcoholics, workaholics, commitment phobic's, peeping toms, megalomaniacs, emotional fuckwits or perverts. And especially will not fantasize about a particular person who embodies all these things

Thank you, Daniel, that is very good to know. But if staying here means working within 10 yards of you, frankly, I'd rather have a job wiping Saddam Hussein's arse.