Quotes About Humor

He who laughs last didn't get it.

Laugh a little when the joke's on you

I know one fortunate little boy whose parents told him the facts of life so satisfactorily, he said in the next breath, "Now tell me how they make peanut butter."),

Age is not important unless you're a cheese.

Whatever else can be said about sex, it cannot be called a dignified performance.

Her heart's breaking. It breaks three times a week on account of people treating her so badly, and she knows that all you can do is laugh it off.

Several prominent thinkers have proposed reclassifying Druhástrana as a purely notional/mythical land since a) nobody seems to actually come from there or know how to get there and b) literal interpretations of the assertion that Druhástrana exists may be a profound mistranslation of Czech humor.

She'd left me her husband, who didn't expect much from me. He'd had his great love. And now he was willing, determined even, to be amused, to belly laugh at the slightest provocation, to appreciate heart-shaped pieces of toast as tokens of my affection.

Sure, I've occasionally told Louis Chen that I hope a monster eats him, and he's told me to go boil my head a few times, but that tends to be in the heat of the moment, and anyway we're getting married once we get old enough, so we don't have to make nice all of the time.

Anecdotes are funny when you tell them," said Teffi. "But when you live through them it's a tragedy. And my life is one big joke-- in other words, a tragedy.

Marriage is the operation by which a woman's vanity and a man's egotism are extracted without an anaesthetic.

One man's folly is another man's wife.

Wedding: the point at which a man stops toasting a woman and begins roasting her.

Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you after marriage, he won't even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.

including the fact that 'slut' means 'ends' or 'finished'. So my new washing machine hasn't been abusing me all this time when it stopped and flashed the word 'slut' at me in bright red lights!

wondering how on earth hospital staff have seen fit to allow us custody of an actual human being. (Me: 'I can't even keep our houseplants alive!' Lego Man: 'We have houseplants?')

So, Elizabeth will have to ascend the throne without me. Teeth are all I am going to see crowned for the next couple of years.

Good humor is a paradox. The unexpected juxtaposition of the reasonable next to the unreasonable.

I wanted to say, with as much sarcasm as I could put into my voice, "Sir, your poem is both original and interesting, but the part that is interesting is not original, and the part that is original is not interesting." But all I said was, "Not bad, you need to work on it some more.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

If at first you don't succeed . . . so much for skydiving.

My wife's an earth sign. I'm a water sign. Together we make mud.

I'm so old that when I order a three-minute egg they make me pay up front.

I walked into a store and said, "It's my wife's birthday. I'd like to buy her a beautiful pen." The clerk winked at me and said, "A little surprise, heh?" I said, "Yes, she's expecting a Cadillac."