Quotes About Humor

I never eat meat as I think it is wrong to deprive animals of their life when they are so difficult to chew anyway

Darling stop being philosophical it doesn't suit you, it makes your nose red.

The real comic muse is the one underwhose laughing mask tears roll down.

I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'

My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.

If life hands you lemons... make lemonade. Then... try to find someone to whom life has handed vodka...

The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. e. e. cummings

Let's see what you've got—as the actress said to the bishop

That, he said, was the way he stayed young—by refusing to take anything quite as seriously as he should have done.

Laugh out-loud funny" by a "Master Storyteller".

I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.

It's funny to be a critic.

Now, Mr. Shaughnessy, remember what happened the last time your wife got jealous of your flirting? She exchanged your denture cream for hemorrhoidal ointment.

I like dark humor. My favorite movie of all time is 'Harold and Maude.'

I've been to livelier funerals," grumbled Herb.

I've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each other, particularly my two brothers and myself, when my father was upset with something you'd want to make sure in some way you made him laugh. Because when he didn't laugh, you were in trouble!

We're all bozos on the bus, so we might as well sit back and enjoy the ride.

Oh Christ. I couldn't care less.... I can't say I'm overwhelmed with surprise. I'm 88 years old and they can't give the Nobel to someone who's dead, so I think they were probably thinking they'd probably better give it to me now before I've popped off.

The first mistake of Art is to assume that it's serious.

Springsteen] sort of catarrh-mumbles his ditties in a disgruntled mushmouth like Robbie Robertson on Quaaludes with Dylan barfing down the back of his neck.

The first mistake of art is to assume that it's serious.

Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical.

Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is life after death -- though they say it's virtually impossible to get decent Chinese food.