Quotes About Humor

Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

I only know two pieces; one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.

If I have caused just one person to wipe away a tear of laughter, that's my reward.

Nogle ting er bedre i Sverige end i Danmark. De har bedre naboer.

laughter is the shortest distance between two people

The house looked like some gay architect had gotten drunk and watched Gone with the Wind.

God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool.

You couldn't hide that friendly giant from somebody rimming your butthole.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

We get so worried about being pretty. Let's be pretty kind. Pretty funny. Pretty smart. Pretty strong.

Get at least 8 hours of beauty sleep. 9 if you're ugly.

How do I stay so healthy and boyishly handsome? It's simple. I drink the blood of young runaways.

I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.

Age before beauty, and pearls before swine.

My wife went to a beauty parlor and got a mudpack; for two days she looked nice, then the mud fell off.

It never seems to occur to some people, that, like beauty, a sense of humor may sometimes be fatal.

I cast a glance in my new admirer's direction. "You may call me Your Highness," I said. "Or Empress Beauty." He chuckled. I wasn't kidding.

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

To a toad what is beauty? A female with two lovely pop-eyes, a wide mouth, yellow belly, and green spotted back.

Laughter is the best way to release tensions and fears.