Quotes About Humor

Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.

A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew's Birthday.

Last Christmas, I got the worst gift a guy ever gave me. He gave me a lottery ticket... what's the guy even thinking there. Here you go... nothing! Merry Christmas! It's nothing!

I'm decorating my parents' house for Christmas... I hope they find my manger with a baby yeezus in it as funny as I do!

I wanted to get the guy who works next to me in the office something he really wants, but how do you wrap up a saloon?

My sister-in-law found a real surprise in her stockings - my brother.

Every year my boss used to give me a bottle of expensive brandy because I'd told him that my doctor suggested a drink once in a while. This year my boss gave me the name of a new doctor.

I just bought a great gift for my boss - a leaky ant farm.

Waiting for a special occasion to kill me? Christmas is coming.

How do you survive Christmas? You drink a lot. And drink a lot, right. Drink a lot and drink a lot.

There are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?

You know you've had too much to eat for Christmas dinner when you slump down onto a beanbag and realize... there is no beanbag.

Another Christmas PoemBlood Christmas, here again.Let us raise a loving cup:Peace on earth, goodwill to men, And make them do the washing-up.

Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.

One way to prevent conversation from being boring is to say the wrong thing.

Johnson had a sense of humor, and he could kid with me, " he would say. "Johnson didn't enjoy talking with most liberals. He didn't think they had a sense of humor.

A computer is like air conditioning - it becomes useless when you open Windows

I wrote an ad for Apple Computer: "Macintosh - We might not get everything right, but at least we knew the century was going to end".

I don't know anything about computers.

Recently a guy was having trouble with his computer. So he unplugs it, takes it out in the alley, pulls out a gun, and shoots it eight times. Coincidentally, that's how Hillary got rid of her emails.

Megahertz: This is really, really big hertz.

Let's face it, the average computer user has the brain of a Spider Monkey.