Quotes About Humor

If she were any friendlier, she'd be giving you a lapdance right now.

Damn, there goes my chance for some hot sexy talk.

His divine wisdom can kiss my common arse

Hey, we had fun. In the sense of next to none at all, I mean. Next time, can we at least stop at a mall? May be see a movie? Avoid the mass murder of our enemies, maybe?

You're the crazy whisperer!

I so want his wardrobe,' Eve sighed. 'Is that shallow, or just strange?' 'Don't sell yourself short. It's both.' Shane said.

You staked a vampire with a number two pencil. I didn't actually check the number. - Shane Collins and Claire Danvers from Morganville Vampires

Are you high?" Michael asked him, in a totally colorless voice. Myrnin blinked, and looked at Claire for help. "He means, are you on drugs." "Well, obviously." "More than usual?" "Oh. No, no, just the usual doses. And where is Shreve?" "Eve," they all said in unison, and exchanged a look.

She was also wearing vampire bunny slippers. Myrnin had given them each a pair for Christmas, since they'd all found his so hilarious, and as Eve marched toward Claire, the rabbit slippers' mouths flapped up and down, their red tongues flashing and plush teeth biting the ground.

Shane grudgingly donating blood - Yeah about that...could you get us a human ? Shane asked. It creeps me out when a guy`s draining my blood and I hear his stomach rumble.

Hey." Shane's hip nudged her chair, and he bent over, putting his mouth very close to her ear. "What are you doing?" "Thinking." "Stop." "Stop thinking?" "You're doing way too much of it. It'll make you go blind." She laughed and turned her face toward his. "I think you're thinking of something else.

Don't go all unicorns pooping rainbows on us.

I'm old, girl. Gonna die of something. Might as well be chocolate.

Get in here and make me some dinner—now, woman. News flash, Michael, you're supposed to be evil, not redneck!

You say the nicest things,' Myrnin said. He was slurring his words, and he threw an arm around Oliver's neck. 'Marry me.' 'Exactly what part of the brain did that bullet hit?' Shane asked, hovering on the edge of manic laughter. Oliver sighed. 'He means carry me. And no. I won't.

You, Monica said, leaning over her, really pissed me off, fish. I don't forget things like that. Neither does my boyfriend. Brandon? Claire wheezed. Jeez, at least get one with a pulse!

Eve: Yo! Mocha! Oliver: Yo. I am not your waitress.

Another thing I don't want on my tombstone, Shane said. You have others? Claire asked. He held up one finger. I thought it wasn't loaded, Shane said. Second finger. Hand me a match so I can check the gas tank. Third finger. Killed over ice cream. Basically, any death that requires me to be stupid first.

Right, I said, and turned to David. How do you feel about getting married tomorrow? I had no idea Djinn could look so blank. Venna turned to David and said, with the perfect blend of alarm and puzzlement, Are you sure she isn't insane? David continued with the blank look for a few more seconds, and then the light dawned warm in his eyes, and he slowly smiled. Actually, he said, I'm fairly certain she is, and that is exactly why I'm marrying her.

Life is funny, baby, and that's no joke

The only use she has for the word fun is to make the word funeral.

I stand up from the table and wiggle my index finger at Nick. He'll never get it, but I borrow from Heathers as I leave him to follow Tris. A true friend's work is never done, I singsong. Bulimia is so '87, Heather, he answers. HOLY SHIT squared. I think I just had my first orgasm.

Drosophila," I said, remembering the word. "What?" Lily asked. "Why do girls always fall for guys with the at ention span of drosophila?" "What?" "Fruit flies. Guys with the attention span of fruit flies." "Because they're hot?" "This," I told her, "is not the time for being truthful.

Who's Jessie? My Yugo You have a name for your Yugo? Please don't tell me you're one of those guys who also names his dick. Unfortunately, I've yet to find the perfect name for mine, so it's in this netherworld of nameless identity right now.