Quotes About Humor

I've often said to myself, "Thank God I can write, 'cause this is hilarious." I actually wanted to go into all that more in the book, but my editor thought it was too crazy.

God is not dead-He is merely unemployed.

I have never understood why it should be considered derogatory to the Creator to suppose that he has a sense of humour.

Why did God invent economists? To make weathermen feel good about themselves.

What god would be hanging around Terminal Two of Heathrow Airport trying to catch the 15:37 flight to Oslo?

I believe teenagers are God's revenge on mankind. It's like He said, 'Hey let's see how they like it to create something in their own image that denies their existence.'

God's always got a custard pie up his sleeve.

If God had to give a woman wrinkles, He might at least have put them on the soles of her feet.

Oh God," I said. "I'm Zmey's daughter. Zmey junior. Zmeyette, even.

Wilf: God bless the cactuses! The Doctor: That's cactI. Alien: And that's racist!

If I thought the Jews killed God, I'd worship the Jews.

I just thank God for Dennis [Rodman], cause he makes me look like a saint.

Taco Bell is going to start selling nachos and chicken nuggets wrapped in a tortilla. In other words, thank God we're going to keep Obamacare.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.

God created the flirt as soon as he made the fool.

If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.

I can never forgive God for having invented the French

God bless my soul! No apple pie.

Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

Envy is what makes you, when an acquaintance is lustily telling you that she's dating a Greek god of a guy, ask, 'Which one, Hades?'

Oh my God, I could watch Jennifer Coolidge for hours.

If there is a god, I think he has a sense of humour. He does not require human beings to protect him from satire.

Beware the god who cannot laugh.

God: a gaseous vertebrate.