Quotes About Humor

Ever notice that people who believe in creationism look really unevolved? Eyes real close together, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day." Yeah, looks like he rushed it.

The higher the hair, the closer to god.

I believe I am God's favorite comedian. I think he is a really big comedy writer. He writes scripts. And I just follow along.

I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.

Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.

God defend me from that Welsh fairy, Lest he transform me to a piece of cheese!

Most Englishmen are convinced that God is an Englishman, probably educated at Eton.

God plays a lot of jokes on us to get our attention.

God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

I want to play trailer trash; I swear to God.

Oh, my God! It's a killer Pomeranian." I glanced up at Derek. "It's a tough call, but I think you can take him.

If there was a god, I'd still have both nuts.

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

God is like a shitty girlfriend.

What is the difference between God and Bono? God doesn't wander down Grafton Street thinking he's Bono.

What makes God laugh is people who make plans.

Sometimes, as a comedian, a line will come to you, that is so beautiful, so perfect, that you think: I did not create this line. This line belongs to all of us. Surely this is a line of God

never's the word God listens for when he needs a laugh.

I think God gave us senses of humor, and we should use them.

If you thought Stairway to Heaven was a long song, dear god you should listen to it played on a lute.

Comedy is frightening at first because you're opening yourself up. When it's just you and people hate it, you're like, "Oh God. Do they hate me?"

I say God bless you... I don't say bless you... I'm not the Lord. I can't do that...

Actually, I began to think that maybe there is a god, after all. Or maybe its a different one. The old one got fired.

Why are there no clouds in the sky? ... 'Cause God wants to watch his favorite band again!