Quotes About Humor

You know," I said, "I've been trying to make jokes to you the entire time I've been here." "I know," she said. "I'm sorry. My sense of humor was surgically removed as a child." "Oh," I said. "That was a joke

You know what the worst fucking part of that was," Kiva said as they headed to the door. "What?" "Motherfucker ran down jollof rice. It's not fucking banal. I was going to order that.

We all looked. "Mate, those look like fossilized turds," Kahurangi said. "That's why we call them poopfruit, yes," Tom said. "You need to talk to your marketing people," I suggested. "They taste better than they look." "They would have to, wouldn't they?

When he's done, he turns to Holmes and says 'What does the night sky tell you, Holmes?' And Holmes says, 'That some bastard has stolen our tent!

You may additionally tell him that Master Sergeant Antonio Ruiz has declared that you are not nearly the dipshit that most of your fellow recruits have turned out to be." "Thank you, Master Sergeant." "Don't let it go to your head, Private. You are still a dipshit. Just not a very big one." "Of course, Master Sergeant.

No, no, I'm just fucking with you. They all lived happily ever after. Seriously.

This is the first time I've unzipped my pants as emperox. First time sitting on the toilet as emperox. Aaaaaaand now this is my first pee as emperox.

Be that as it may, if Stephen King or John Grisham really wanted to (and to be clear, I don't suspect they do), they could probably whip up a book comprised entirely of reviews of their own intestinal emanations ("A Bear in the Woods: 25 Years of Squatlogging, 1979-2004")

I had a feeling that as long as I didn't admit to murdering adorable kittens in front of children, I was going to get the gig.

Tom grinned through his mask; I saw it through the eye crinkles

Such attitude," I said to Jane. "She gets it from your side." "She's adopted," Jane said. "And I'm not the smart-ass in the family.

They have vegan cheese." "No, they don't. They have shredded orange and white sadness that mocks cheese and everything it stands for.

What did you all name your BrainPals? Asshole, I said. Bitch, Jesse said. Dickward, said Thomas. Fuckhead, said Harry. Satan, said Maggie. Sweetie, said Susan. Apparantly, I'm the only one who likes my BrainPal.

Always treat other drivers like they are an overenthusiastic extra from the Mad Max movies.

It was her habit to build up laughter out of inadequate materials.

They called him a comical genius and carried his stories carefully home, and they wondered at how the stories spilled out on the way, for they never sounded the same repeated in their own kitchens.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth, and laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death, and sometimes it isn't in time.

in 50 years, did you ever have a vacation, you little, silly, half-pint, smidgin of a wife?

What the hell kind of bed you giving us, anyways? We don't want no pants rabbits.

Tiny emerged on deck some hours later, shaken but smiling. He said that what he had been considering love had turned out to be simple flatulence. He said he wished all his romantic problems could be solved as easily.

Thou art a peanut.

chuckling—the sound he made when any force in the world defeated him. He had an idea that even when beaten he could steal a little victory by laughing at defeat.

What's celebrate? Eddie asked. That's when you can't get no dame, said Mack. I thought it was a kind of a party, said Jones. A silence fell on the room.