Quotes About Humor

When you're feeling despondent just put on more country music. There are thousands of slit-your-wrist hillbilly songs that will make you laugh at your self-indulgence and ultimately cheer you up.

Listen to your political enemies, especially the smart ones, and then figure out a way to make them laugh.

Oh my God!" I hear him yell to just about everybody. "Did you see that?! That was John Waters. I'm almost certain he has shit his pants!!" I hear grown men laugh in constipated smugness and digestive superiority.

Green tree. Pretty lady. Car. Car. Truck," she recites, naming out loud almost everything she sees. "Don't mind me, I'm a gabberbox," she chuckles. "A gabberbox?" I ask, confused at her term. "You know, hon, I talk a lot," she explains before breaking into a laugh that is eerily familiar.

How could you think of such awful things? liberal critics always ask. How else could I possibly amuse myself? I always wonder.

Before I got married I had six theories about raising children; now, I have six children and no theories.

This signior is sound, safe, ready, and dumb As ever was candle, carrot, or thumb; Then away with these nasty devices, and show How you rate the just merits of Signior Dildo.

So, what you're basically telling me is death is boring but no worse than hanging out with family.

Stupid Ape: I had to quantify this with the word "stupid" so as not to offend the ape community. Large of limb, impotent of intellect, he was the kind of guy who lettered in leg-breaking at thug school but flunked the written exam because he didn't know which end of the e-pencil to use.

I often say if men were meant to fly we would have been born with either feathers and wings or at the very least parachutes that pop out of our butts.

Twoa said, obviously still in my brain. It was my pheromones, she said defensively. I looked up at her; she was sniffing herself. She looked down at me. Okay, maybe it wasn't ALL the pheromones, she admitted. Nobody makes a good deodorant for superheroes.

Foo Kyu' is just a very unfortunate cultural coincidence. Just think about his poor son, 'Foo Kyu Two.'

As a matter of fact, Ona spent more credits on the window shades alone than you will make in your entire lifetime and that's if you live to be 185." "And that's meant to make me feel better?" I said. "No, that is meant to inform you. I am your computer not your nanny.

Forget it," I said. "Opie could be bloodthirsty, rabid, radioactive, and selling life insurance and he'd still be preferable to listening to the two of you.

Die anderen Kaninchen hüpften herum und schrien Hurra und umarmten sich. He Duda, du bist ein Held!, riefen sie. Wie komisch, überlegte He Duda. Ich dachte, ich wäre ein Kaninchen.

Shall I tell you a joke about languages? Abulfaz asked. A joke. Yes, okay. What do you call a Russian who speaks four languages? I don't know. A Zionist. What about a Russian who speaks three languages? I don't know. A spy. And two? ... No? A nationalist. And only one? ... An inter-nationalist.

I have a lot of faith in the power of joking to make something thoughtful.

You're a prefect? Oh Ronnie! That's everyone in the family!" "What are Fred and I? Next door neighbors?

Family jokes, though rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.

I guess getting down on your knees runs in the family

You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.

'Family Guy' has this weird thing of attracting people. People either hate it or can't get enough of it. There's really no one in between.

In the hierarchy of the family, I'm just above the dog. But I like it that way.