Quotes About Humor

Besides, it's possible he's not guilty." I laughed so hard I had to put down my fries. I

When he picked out the [gravesite] plot, my father had joked that he was moving, at last, to the suburbs.

The best way to accelerate a Macintosh is at 9.8msecsec.

What was the phrase the Irish used? You want to make God laugh, you make a plan.

Are Luisa and Valerie back?" "This afternoon, commercial flight. Luisa wanted to know, and I quote, 'whose nutsack she needs to gargle' to score a seat on the jet next time." "Woman has a way with words.

They said something funny. They said, 'Even God leaves on the last boat from Nome.' What does that mean?

Bessie- A man picking out a wife is like asking a cow to pick out a farmer.

we may indeed assume, with a high degree of probability, that Jane Austen went commando.

Marriage is the grave or tomb of wit.

I was drinking tequila, and I was drinking grappa, which is Italian for gasoline. And I was drinking Jägermeister, which I believe is the liquid equivalent of Wonder Woman's golden lasso, because it will make you tell anybody the truth for no reason whatsoever. "You have really bad skin. Thanks for the drink."

Sometimes the only way to deal with horrific things in life is through a dark sense of humor.

My parents are very funny when they have to deal with anything racy or off-color. They usually pretend they don't speak English.

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

George Bush isn't Hitler. He could be if he applied himself.

Life is a tragedy for those who feel and a comedy for those who think.

She has often suspected that her last words to herself and in this world will prove to be 'You bloody old fool' or, perhaps, depending on the mood of the day or the time of the night, 'you fucking idiot'.

In my experience, there are two things that no one will admit to: having no sense of humor and being susceptible to flattery.

In fact, some people use humour so habitually that it is hard for them to remain serious for any length of time.

Who wants tea and sympathy? Let's have coffee and sex, Stacey, eh?

Rickman heard the plaintive note in Foster's voice, and they exchanged a quick, amused glance. Foster misunderstood. 'Him?' he exclaimed. 'The rugged Roman profile was all very well in Gladiator, but we're in the twenty-first century now, love.' 'Funny,' she shot back, 'I keep getting a whiff of caveman. Just so you know — the

I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, my mind a jumble. So much for breaking it off gently, I thought. The humor helped my mind clear, but I couldn't laugh. What would happen next?

I don't know what you two are up to," Hobart said. "But you be careful now, you hear? Don't do anything I wouldn't do." "Well now, that doesn't restrict us very much, does it?" Mark teased back.

I've been praying to Jesus and the Holy Ghost for patience and I have also mentioned that it would help if I did not have frizzy hair.

The older you get, the higher you wear your underwear. Like rings on a tree. Eighty, ninety years old, your breasts are inside them. When you die, they just pull them up over your head.