Quotes About Humor

Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause ? you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Tragedy is a close-up; comedy, a long shot.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

I can't tell you how much we laughed on the set to have Alec Guinness in a scene with a big, furry dog that's flying a space ship.

He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

I'm funny how, I mean funny like I'm a clown?

If you can be funny, it means you're intelligent. Your brain is working fast.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn't be funny, but to observe it, it's hilarious.

Well, I'll be damned. Oh, this is funny.

What was funny if you were there is that we were all immensely sophisticated people who knew exactly what she was going to say and we're chatting away, nice to see you.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat.

Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, "Where'd you get the pig?" Guy says, "This is a duck." Bartender says, "I was talking to the duck."

Snoopy didn't start off being a Beagle. It's just that 'beagle' is a funny word.

I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me.

I loved this smart, funny, big-hearted novel. As hilarious and wise as early Philip Roth, The Mathematician's Shiva will delight and move you.

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.