Quotes About Humor

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

I got a lot of support from my parents. That's the one thing I always appreciated. They didn't tell me I was being stupid; they told me I was being funny.

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

My parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles were all funny, and I felt that energy, that delivery, that timing, that sarcasm. All that stuff seeped into my brain.

The most difficult character in comedy is that of the fool, and he must be no simpleton that plays that part.

He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed.

The thing I thought about doing it was it's Comic Relief and you've got to be funny. So although I did try to sing properly it obviously has hilarious results when you can't sing.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

When the waitress asked if I wanted my pizza cut into four or eight slices, I said, 'Four. I don't think I can eat eight.'

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.

All my life I've been terrible at remembering people's names. I once introduced a friend of mine as Martini. Her name was actually Olive.

In terms of the creative side of it, it's really been a thing where you come up with the funny stuff is usually at a bar or out talking to people or whatever.

Dave! Relax! Close your buttcheeks!

Whenever you observe an animal closely, you feel as if a human being sitting inside were making fun of you.

You're only as sick as your secrets. Either it comes out their way or my way. I talk about myself behind my back. And I'm funny about it.

I wish I had a funny story.

You put out a funny podcast, you talk about bak chor mee. I will say mee siam mai hum.

Puns are the highest form of literature.

I grew up as a very sarcastic person. I was always the class clown, and to date girls I had to be really funny. I was really skinny growing up.

The bigotry of the nonbeliever is for me nearly as funny as the bigotry of the believer.