Quotes About Humor

I'm sitting at the dinner table, wearing my future mother-in-law's underwear. It's like some twisted dream that you wake up and thinkL Crikey Moses! Thank God that didn't really happen!

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.

If at all God's gaze falls upon us all it's with a mischievous grin, look at him.

In the next election, I'm voting for your mom to be the next God.

They were Jesuits," she told me. "That means they believe in God but not in terlet paper. You should have seen their underwear. Disgusting.

But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet.

As soon as I jumped out of the airplane, I realized I had forgotten my parachute. Thank God we were still on the runway.

I hate seeing people that look like you. Especially if God's living by the motto 'If at first you don't succeed.'

I am proof that Einstein's "e equals m c squared" is wrong. My mass has increased, but my energy has dropped.

Now I don't have anything against Mexican people, but for God's sakes, sign the gust book on the way in.

Oh my god you're thicker than you look

When I was with Andy Warhol, I thought, 'God, his wig looks cheaper than mine!'

Comic-strip artists do not make good husbands, and God knows they do not make good comic strips.

The first indication of menopause is a broken thermostat. It's either that or your weight. In any case, if you don't do something, you could be dead by August. God, middle age is an unending insult.

We will now sing forth, hymn 405, 'Oh God, what on earth is my hairdo all about?

You don't need to use the language of God to ask where the restrooms are.

Like if you're Jewish you have to wear a hat, but only in the middle of your head. But it all becomes clear the second that you realize that God is a 12-year-old boy with Asperger's.

She laughed with thrilling scorn. "Sophisticated-God, I'm sophisticated!

Everyone thinks their family is the craziest family in the world. Like, 'My God, my family's crazy!

HELP = H(umor), E-go, edging God out, L-istening, P-urpose

He would say that God had given him a tail to keep the flies off, but that he would sooner have had no tail and no flies.

Everything's funny for God's sake. Everything.