Quotes About Humor

Why do women live longer than men? Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bills does.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

What did the traffic light say to the car? Don't look, I'm changing!

A stupid person laughs three times at a joke; once when everyone else is laughing, a second time when he actually gets the joke, and a third time when he realizes he was laughing without getting the joke at first.

Congratulations to Charlie Sheen, who's marrying his longtime girlfriend. I have to say...Charlie Sheen has a longtime girlfriend?

You see, the way my bank account is set up...

You know what they say about men with big feet...big socks.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on thee and I'll forgive thy great big one on me.

Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

People joked that Forster became more renowned with every book he did not write.

A joke without a point, inane and bald, itself a joke on joking may be called

Be not affronted at a joke. If one throw salt at thee, thou wilt receive no harm, unless thou art raw.

A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

I went to a fancy french restaurant called "Deja Vu." The headwaiter said, "Don't I know you?"

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

A joke is a very serious thing

The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded

I'd rather laugh in bed than do it. If I went to a lady of the night, I'd probably pay her to tell me jokes. Would that be perverted?

Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections.

I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one.

Family jokes, through rightly cursed by strangers, are the bond that keeps most families alive.

A serious and good philosophical work could be written consisting entirely of jokes.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

I'm not offended by dumb blonde jokes because I know that I'm not dumb. I also know I'm not blonde.